I have 12, ranging in age from 8-28. It has been a lot of work and emotional/physical/financial investment, but it has been worth every single tear shed and dollar spent. My children are incredible people—12 unique individuals with their own ideas, skills, gifts, and personalities. I was raised in the middle of the early homeschool boom in 1980s America, and my parents built a great support network in our community where families could get together for activities and study. The danger I have seen in the last ten years is the fragmentation of that support. Sure, there are “support groups,” but there is usually an entry fee now—like the co-op down the road from us that asks $1k per child per semester for one day of classes per week. For families with four or more kids, that’s just not workable. So those avenues are pretty much closed off to all but the very well-to-do. There’s also a really ugly attitude, even among fellow Christians, that “you got yourself into this (having lots of kids), so you’re responsible to carry the load.” Americans are very much about “rugged individualism” to a degree that those who struggle or ask for help are seen as failures. This is not sustainable. One of my sons and his wife just had their first baby and have bought a house two blocks from us. We have already committed to doing everything we can to support them and help them, because it is a very lonely road in a culture that says marriage and childbearing are “irresponsible” in your 20s. Never mind that they’ve managed to stay out of debt and purchase a house; people still tsk-tsk. I took my share of ugly comments and ridiculous “advice” when I was in the middle of having a large family. To keep going, you need the emotional and spiritual support for sure, but you also need practical, hands-in-the-dirt help. But the tide is turning, because functional families are a beacon in a dark world. 99% of people who hear how many kids I have don’t make a face like they did ten years ago. They light up. They get excited. Two women who came into our family-run bistro last week asked if the barista was related to me. I answered, “Yes, and so is the chef, the dishwasher, the social media manager, and the baker!” One of them leaned across the counter and said, “God bless you. The only way to fix this messed up world is to bring good people into it.” That’s what we want to do. It’s what we will continue to labor for. But we cannot do it without community to support us. So let’s build it.
Michael, really liked the article… my kids have large families with a boatload of kids (9,9,8,4). I just read your article to the parents and kids gathered together… super neat time discussing your article… they are thankful.
As someone who grew up in a large family, what's always surprising to me is how far people can make a budget go when they are intentional about it. My dad didn't make a ton of money, but he and my mom were careful and frugal and my parents saved up for a ton of our upper level education/career certification. None of my siblings are in debt.
I know that on the flip side, expenses are rising nowadays, and I don't want to discount the housing problem; my parents also were able to pay off their mortgage at a time when that was easier to do. But, if you want happiness and you can live in a place where kids can run around outside, then I think a lot of people could just make do without a lot of modern comforts.
I have 12, ranging in age from 8-28. It has been a lot of work and emotional/physical/financial investment, but it has been worth every single tear shed and dollar spent. My children are incredible people—12 unique individuals with their own ideas, skills, gifts, and personalities. I was raised in the middle of the early homeschool boom in 1980s America, and my parents built a great support network in our community where families could get together for activities and study. The danger I have seen in the last ten years is the fragmentation of that support. Sure, there are “support groups,” but there is usually an entry fee now—like the co-op down the road from us that asks $1k per child per semester for one day of classes per week. For families with four or more kids, that’s just not workable. So those avenues are pretty much closed off to all but the very well-to-do. There’s also a really ugly attitude, even among fellow Christians, that “you got yourself into this (having lots of kids), so you’re responsible to carry the load.” Americans are very much about “rugged individualism” to a degree that those who struggle or ask for help are seen as failures. This is not sustainable. One of my sons and his wife just had their first baby and have bought a house two blocks from us. We have already committed to doing everything we can to support them and help them, because it is a very lonely road in a culture that says marriage and childbearing are “irresponsible” in your 20s. Never mind that they’ve managed to stay out of debt and purchase a house; people still tsk-tsk. I took my share of ugly comments and ridiculous “advice” when I was in the middle of having a large family. To keep going, you need the emotional and spiritual support for sure, but you also need practical, hands-in-the-dirt help. But the tide is turning, because functional families are a beacon in a dark world. 99% of people who hear how many kids I have don’t make a face like they did ten years ago. They light up. They get excited. Two women who came into our family-run bistro last week asked if the barista was related to me. I answered, “Yes, and so is the chef, the dishwasher, the social media manager, and the baker!” One of them leaned across the counter and said, “God bless you. The only way to fix this messed up world is to bring good people into it.” That’s what we want to do. It’s what we will continue to labor for. But we cannot do it without community to support us. So let’s build it.
Agree on all fronts, thank you for sharing.
Michael, really liked the article… my kids have large families with a boatload of kids (9,9,8,4). I just read your article to the parents and kids gathered together… super neat time discussing your article… they are thankful.
As someone who grew up in a large family, what's always surprising to me is how far people can make a budget go when they are intentional about it. My dad didn't make a ton of money, but he and my mom were careful and frugal and my parents saved up for a ton of our upper level education/career certification. None of my siblings are in debt.
I know that on the flip side, expenses are rising nowadays, and I don't want to discount the housing problem; my parents also were able to pay off their mortgage at a time when that was easier to do. But, if you want happiness and you can live in a place where kids can run around outside, then I think a lot of people could just make do without a lot of modern comforts.
Growing up with five younger siblings, I can say it was a blessing and deeply shaped me into the person I am today.