A Marriage Like Wine

Like grape juice, marriage doesn't stay the same. Over time, it ferments. It will either turn into a sweet wine or a sour vinegar—and a lot of that depends on what you do with it. Marriage needs tending, just like a garden. You can’t just plant it and forget it. You have to water it, pull the weeds, and sometimes protect it from storms.

Here are four ways each spouse—the husband and the wife—can start improving their relationship right now.

Four Ways Wives Can Strengthen Their Marriage:

1. Grow in making your needs and desires more explicitly known.

Most men aren't playing dumb or being intentionally dense. They’re just wired to think and talk differently. Men tend to communicate in a straight, no-frills way: point A to point B. A lot of women communicate more indirectly, hinting at what they need rather than saying it outright.

Imagine a man walking into a hardware store. He doesn’t say, “I sure would love to have a nicer-looking backyard,” hoping the store clerk picks up that he needs a shovel. He walks right up and says, “Where are the shovels?”

In marriage, it helps if you talk a little more like that. If you need help with the kids or want a date night, don’t hint. Ask. Most husbands are eager to serve their wives, but they can't fix what they don't know is broken.

2. Touch him a lot.

It doesn't always have to be flirtatious, though he won’t mind if it is. Men are tactile creatures. Little touches matter more than most women realize. A hug when he walks in the door, a quick kiss on the cheek, brushing up against him when you pass in the kitchen—these things go a long way.

Think of it like tossing a log on a fire before it dies out. Your simple touch keeps his heart warm. It can melt anger, chase away coldness, and remind him that you’re in his corner.

3. Tell him you appreciate him—and give a specific example.

Men don’t need endless praise, but they do need to know their hard work matters. Think of a farmer working a field day after day—he doesn’t need a parade, but it sure helps to have someone hand him a glass of cold water and say, “You’re doing a good job.”

When you encourage your husband, don’t be vague. Instead of “Thanks for everything,” try, “I saw how you handled that situation at work. I’m so proud of you.” Even if he shrugs or grunts in reply, it sticks. Men are fueled by honor. Your words matter more than you know.

4. Be as sexually available as you can.

Sex is not just about physical pleasure—it’s about connection, comfort, and unity. Both men and women have a strong sex drive, but men experience it more steadily. Women’s desires often rise and fall with hormones, seasons, and stresses.

Picture a man walking past a well on a hot day. Every day, he passes by hoping there's fresh water. If the well is dry day after day, it discourages him. But if the well is flowing—even a little—he keeps walking towards it.
Being a willing lover doesn’t just bless him—it fortifies the whole marriage. It guards against bitterness, builds tenderness, and strengthens loyalty.

Four Ways Husbands Can Strengthen Their Marriage:

1. Happily and frequently catch a ride on that "conversational rollercoaster."

Men often want conversations to land somewhere—punchline, lesson, call to action. Wives, on the other hand, often just want to ride along together. They’re sharing thoughts, feelings, experiences—not solving a problem.

It’s a little like fishing with your wife. It’s not always about catching anything. It’s about sitting together, watching the water, being there for the whole afternoon.

Don’t rush her. Don’t fix her. Ask things like, “And then what happened?” or “How did that make you feel?” She’s not just talking—she’s handing you little pieces of her heart. Handle them carefully.

2. Touch her non-erotically.

Yes, your wife loves to feel desired sexually—but she also wants to feel cherished apart from that.

Imagine her like a garden. If you only show up when you want to harvest something, the garden withers. But if you tend it gently day by day—watering it, pulling weeds, admiring it—it flourishes.

Hold her hand when you’re walking together. Hug her for no reason at all. Sit close on the couch without it leading to anything. Physical touch builds a deep well of security and affection.

3. Just tell her you want to have sex.

Men often assume their wives should just “know” when they want intimacy, but women aren't wired like that. If you walk around quietly resentful because she isn’t picking up your subtle hints, you’re setting yourself up for distance.

Be direct—but be tender. A simple, “Can we make love tonight?” said with kindness and affection is a hundred times better than cold withdrawal or unspoken frustration. Most wives are more open than you think. They just aren’t thinking about it the same way you are. Put it on their radar.

4. Be decisive.

Moms—especially ones raising young kids—get hammered with decisions every day: what to cook, what to buy, how to handle a dozen mini-crises. It wears on them.

A wife doesn’t want a husband who throws every decision back in her lap. She wants a partner who will listen to her input but who isn’t afraid to say, “We’re going to do this.”

It’s like being the captain of a small boat. You don’t ignore your crew, but you don’t float aimlessly either. Especially when the waves hit, your wife needs you to steady the course and say, “We’re headed this way.”

Every marriage is different. These aren't one-size-fits-all formulas. But they’re a place to start. Tend the vineyard God has given you. Pull the weeds, water the roots, and protect the harvest. In time, you’ll taste the sweetness He intended.