A Wife Remembers
In the late 1600s, Lucy Hutchinson wrote Memoirs of the Life of Colonel Hutchinson, recounting the life of her late husband, Colonel John Hutchinson of Owthorpe, who had served under Cromwell. I was struck by a long section in which she describes her husband to their children. It is vivid, reverent, and deeply affectionate. She clearly thought the world of him.
Ezra Hoyt Byington later wrote of Hutchinson, “This man was one of the Ironsides, and yet his family and social life was as full of sweetness and tenderness, of the love of all beautiful and gracious things, as the lives of those who are the choicest spirits of our own time.”
It is a reminder that a man can be both tough and tender, and that such a man is worthy of the reverence of a good woman.
I would love to see a revival of this kind of deep appreciation between wife and husband, and husband and wife. I thought it worth reproducing part of her description here, and since the English is quite old, I’ve taken a stab at updating it:
“He was of middle height, slender, and perfectly proportioned in all his parts. His hair was light brown, very thick in his youth, softer than the finest silk, and curling into loose, great rings at the ends. His eyes were a lively gray, his face thin, his mouth well formed, and his lips very ruddy and graceful. His teeth were even and white as the purest ivory, his forehead not very high, his nose raised and sharp; yet with all this he had a most amiable countenance, carrying something of magnanimity and majesty mixed with sweetness, so that those who saw him felt both love and awe.”
“He was nimble, active, and graceful in all his movements. He was suited for any bodily exercise. He could dance admirably, though he did not practice it in either youth or later years. He had the fencing skill proper to a gentleman. He had a great love of music. He had good judgment in painting, engraving, sculpture, and all the liberal arts, and kept many curiosities of all kinds. He took great pleasure in improving his land, planting groves and walks and fruit trees. He was wonderfully neat, clean, and well ordered in his dress.”
“He hated religious persecution and was always a champion of religious people against oppressors.”
“Neither in youth nor in later age could even the most beautiful or enticing women draw him into unnecessary familiarity, empty talk, or flirtation. Yet he despised nothing in women except their follies and vanities. Wise and virtuous women he loved, and he delighted in pure, holy, and blameless conversation with them.”
“As for his love for his wife, anyone who wished to draw up a rule of honor, kindness, and religion needed only to copy his example. No man ever had greater passion for a woman, nor more honorable esteem for a wife. He governed by persuasion, which he used only for what was honorable and good for her. He loved her soul and her honor more than her outward beauty, yet he showed her person constant tenderness.”
“So steady was his love that when she ceased to be young and lovely, he began to show her the greatest affection.”
“He was as kind a father, as dear a brother, as good a master, and as faithful a friend as the world had known.”
“He thoroughly understood the military art and performed it well in all its parts. He naturally loved the calling, as it suited his active temperament above all others. He took mutual delight in leading men who loved his character, and when he commanded soldiers, no man was ever more loved and respected by those under him. They rejoiced as much in obeying his commands as he did in giving them.”
“He showed a sweet and loving courtesy even to the poorest, and often spent many spare hours among common soldiers and poor laborers.”
Mrs. Hutchinson’s words sometimes edge into hagiography. I’m not especially concerned with weighing every detail. What stands out is her fierce desire to honor the man she loved and to see her children grow up with the same reverence. The world would be better with more of that.
The detail about his appreciation for engraving and liberal arts alongside his military skills paints a fuller picture than most historical accounts. That line about showing greater affection after she ceased to be young and lovely is powerful, it flips the script on how we usually think about marital love declining over time. I've read other 17th century memoirs and this levelof admiration for a husband's character is rare, especially the balance between toughness and tenderness.
What a tribute! I'd love for my wife or children to make such a eulogy for me after I'm gone.