For the Christian who fears and loves God, the steps outlined by the Lord Jesus in Matthew 18 for dealing with church discipline are always worth following, even when you have reason to suspect they will not be received well.
In verse 15, Christ says, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” This is the most basic form of church discipline. If someone has sinned against you, Christ commands you to go to him and show him his fault. And if he listens, you have won your brother.
What a wonderful thing it is to win a brother! This is a God-ordained means through which the Spirit is pleased to work. Sometimes all it takes for reconciliation is for a person to point out how he was wronged. It may be that the other person didn’t fully realize it. It may be that humble correction brings him to repentance. Many hard hearts have been cracked wide open through the work of the Holy Spirit.
So just because we think someone might not listen isn’t reason enough to refuse to go. After all, Christ commands us. When we go in obedience to Him, we go relying on His power. This is not merely a natural thing, but a supernatural thing.
But note what Jesus says next in verse 16: “But if he does not listen to you…” Built into this command is the possibility that the first attempt won’t go the way you want it to go. Thinking someone won’t listen isn’t grounds for disobeying Jesus’s command to go to your brother. He has already accounted for that possibility.
As a matter of fact, He doesn’t say, “If he doesn’t listen, oh well. You gave it a good try. You can give up.” Listen to what He says: “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.”
The fact that Christ commands a second attempt if the person doesn’t listen underscores the importance of making a first attempt, when he might listen. The second attempt is an escalation. You bring one or two others to help establish the facts and witness the person’s response to correction.
And if he still will not listen, there is a third step: bring the matter before the church. In our Presbyterian understanding, this involves bringing it before the elders who govern the church.
Note that even with this third, serious step, there is still the possibility that it will not lead to the resolution everyone is seeking: repentance and reconciliation. The entire flow of Matthew 18 accounts for the possibility that a person will refuse to hear and continue in stubbornness.
So refusing to follow the first step because you think, “What does it matter? He won’t hear me,” is disobedience to Christ and a failure to understand how He works through church discipline.
It may be that the person’s refusal to listen becomes a further matter requiring discipline. He will not hear the individual, the two or three, or even the church. When the facts have been established and correction is biblical, persistent refusal to hear reveals contempt for the community and its God-ordained authority. That is contentiousness. That is rebellion. And how can you live in Christian community if you refuse to live in subjection to one another and to God-ordained authorities? You cannot.
But the person who rejects biblical correction is not the only one who can be in sin. The person who refuses to take the first step for pragmatic reasons can be in sin as well.
We should follow Matthew 18 because we love Jesus, because Jesus tells us to, and because we trust Him to work through His Word to accomplish His will. Some people may flee discipline. We must not flee the commands of God.
So, brethren, has someone sinned against you? Consider whether you can simply overlook the offense, forgive him, and truly let it go. If you can, wonderful. If you can’t, set up a phone call or a face-to-face meeting this week and deal with it.
Keep short accounts. Do it for your own good. Do it for the individual’s good. But by all means, do it for the glory of God.
This is a good article. That penultimate paragraph though:
"So, brethren, has someone sinned against you? Consider whether you can simply overlook the offense, forgive him, and truly let it go."
If it is real sin, then that would still be disobedience. I think what you meant was "Has someone offended you? Consider whether it was truly sinful, and if it was not you might need to simply let it go." The sin in Matthew 18 doesn't need to be against you personally, it's just "if your brother sins."
The flip side is that our modern culture views all offense as sinful. But that's beyond the scope of this article and comment.