Building Brotherhood

Cultivating Fathers, Brothers, and Sons

What follows are my rough notes from the last Man on a Mission session for East River Church’s ministry to men.

INTRODUCTION: The Necessity of Male Relationships

We’re looking at two short verses that frame the whole talk. First, Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:2, “To Timothy, my true son in the faith.” Then later in 1 Timothy 5:1–2, he tells him: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as a father. Treat younger men as brothers…”

What’s Paul doing? He’s giving Timothy a relational map—fathers, brothers, sons. Scripture doesn’t just tell us how to behave; it tells us how to relate. And it uses the family to do it. This isn’t just for pastors. It’s for every man who wants to live a faithful life.

I titled this talk Build a Brotherhood, but really, it’s bigger than that. We don’t just need brothers. We need fathers to learn from. We need brothers to run with. And we need sons to pour into. These roles overlap and shift, but every man in this room is in all three categories whether he realizes it or not.

You’re someone’s son. You’ve got peers. And there are younger guys watching how you live. So this applies to you. And I want to show you—biblically and practically—how to start building this network of godly male relationships.

Let’s begin with what Proverbs says makes a good and bad friend.

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I. GOOD BROTHERHOOD: WHAT IT IS

Constancy

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov. 17:17).

A real brother doesn’t bail when it gets hard. He’s forged in the fire.

– Jonathan stood by David even when it meant crossing his own father and forfeiting the crown.
– Ruth stayed with Naomi through grief and poverty and said, “Where you go, I’ll go.” That’s covenant loyalty.
– Jesus didn’t just call us friends—He proved it by dying for us while we were still His enemies.

Candor

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” (Prov. 27:6).

A true friend tells you what you need to hear, not what you want.

– Nathan didn’t flatter David—he rebuked him. That rebuke saved David’s soul.
– Paul called Peter out in public because the gospel was at stake.
– “Iron sharpens iron” doesn’t happen without friction. Sparks fly. That’s how men grow.

Counsel

“The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Prov. 27:9).

Godly friends don’t coddle. They speak wisdom that actually helps.

– Jethro told Moses, “What you’re doing isn’t good.” That advice helped Moses lead better and live longer.
– A good word, at the right time, from the right man—there’s nothing like it.

Consideration

“Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away” (Prov. 27:10).

Real brothers show up. They know when to speak, when to shut up, and when to just be there.

– Job’s friends get a bad rap, but they started right—sitting in silence, mourning with him.
– Brotherhood means presence. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just be there.

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II. BAD BROTHERHOOD: WHAT DESTROYS IT

Flattery & Fickleness

“Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted…” (Prov. 19:4).

Some friends are only around when things are good. That’s not friendship.

– Judas kissed Jesus—but it was betrayal disguised as affection.
– The prodigal had a crowd when he had cash. When it dried up, so did they.

Gossip & Betrayal

“A whisperer separates close friends” (Prov. 16:28).

Loose tongues wreck lives.

– Doeg’s gossip got priests slaughtered.
– Absalom sowed seeds of division with smooth words, and almost destroyed the kingdom.

Fools for Friends

“The companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov. 13:20).

Bad company always costs you.

– Jonadab gave Amnon a wicked plan, and it tore a family apart.
– Rehoboam ignored the wise and listened to his boys—and split the kingdom in two.

Grudges & Offense

“A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city” (Prov. 18:19).

Brotherhood needs grace. Without it, you get walls and cold wars.

– Esau held a grudge for years. It nearly cost Jacob his life.
– The older brother in Jesus’ parable refused to rejoice. Why? Because offense choked out grace.

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III. FATHERS: Seeking and Honoring Mentors

Paul didn’t just teach Timothy. He fathered him—corrected him, encouraged him, and sent him out. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise becomes wise.” That means you’ve got to go find some wise men. Not just older guys—wise ones. Not every gray head is a father.

The Larger Catechism lays it out: Fathers are to love, pray, instruct, provide, protect, and correct. Sons are to honor, imitate, submit, defend, and bear with their flaws.

So stop treating older men like they’re in your way. Start treating them like they’re part of God’s provision for your life.

Practical tip: Don’t wait around for a mentor to tap you on the shoulder. Initiate. Ask to meet. Ask questions. Watch how he lives. Write stuff down. Learn.

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IV. BROTHERS: Cultivating Peer Relationships

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17).

Everyone wants to be sharpened. Nobody wants the sparks. But real brotherhood is truth-telling, burden-bearing, showing up, and calling each other up—not just hanging out.

The Catechism says brothers owe each other mutual help, honor, and encouragement. In plain terms: be the kind of friend you wish you had.

Practical tips:
– Share the spotlight. Pull quieter guys in.
– Ask good questions. Know what your brothers are walking through.
– Communicate regularly. Start a group text. Stay in touch.
– Lead with initiative. Don’t wait to be asked.
– Make memories. Trips. Projects. Fires. Whatever—just build something together.

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V. SONS: Mentoring the Next Generation

Paul had Timothy. Jesus had the Twelve. Elijah had Elisha. This pattern runs through Scripture. It’s not optional.

If you’ve walked with God for any amount of time, you’ve got something to give. Pour it out. Lunches, Scripture reading, budgeting, just being in their life—it all counts.

The Catechism says fathers should correct, commend, and protect their sons. Don’t wait to be perfect. Just be present.

Practical steps:
– Give younger guys leadership reps.
– Take their dreams seriously.
– Show up consistently.
– Speak life. Set standards. Invite them in.

And don’t just complain about the next generation. Raise them.

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CONCLUSION: YOU’RE ALL THREE

Every man here is a son, a brother, and a father.

So:

– Reach up to a father.
– Lock arms with brothers.
– Reach down to a son.

This won’t build itself. Make the call. Send the text. Schedule the lunch. Show up. Stay in it.

Final charge:
If you want to live a godly life, surround yourself with godly men.
If you want to leave a legacy, raise up godly sons.
Don’t wait for community to find you. Go build the brotherhood.