Daddy is Home

Helpful Habits for Fathering After Work

For years, I’d expect my family to leave me alone for a period of “decompression” when I got home from work.

I’ve always worked in highly relational/conversation based positions. I’d often arrive home in an overstimulated state and disappear to my office.

My wife would want me to deal with a discipline issue with a kid or be interested in what happened in my day. My kids would want to tell me about their day or have a thousand requests requiring permission from dad.

But I just wanted space.

I was fried.

"Give me a min, guys."

I slowly came to see that this was a missed opportunity. It was a failure of leadership. The way I re-entered my home after a long day of work played an important role in the forming of my home's culture.

A man doesn’t just provide resources.

He provides leadership.

I decided that I would use “re-entry” as an opportunity to provide leadership with 3 habits:

#1 - I didn’t listen to anything on the way home. I used the drive to pray, organize my thoughts & prepare myself to do some more work. Habits two & three flow from this first one.

Habits 2 and 3 start the moment I walk through the door.

#2 When I got home I asked my wife if there were any discipline or pastoral issues that needed a father’s touch (Heb. 12:11). There are many situations in which a mother needs the father to step in. Jump on those!

After dealing with my kids, I move to

#3 Telling my wife something about my day. She’s been with kids all day. Zero adult conversation. Moreover, she is the key support to the mission I’m engaged in. I want her to know what she is accomplishing by being a 'helpmate' to me.

I see a lot of complementarian pastors chiding men for not chipping in with the dishes & laundry.

I rarely do either.

I'm not above it.

She just usually has it knocked out.

Plus, me fathering my kids and encouraging my wife does 10x more for the wellbeing of our household.

My household doesn't need a second mother.

It needs a father.

These habits have helped me get to that work the moment I walk through the door.

Find what works for you.

Look for ways to seize all opportunities to lead your home.