And any “happiness” purchased by peace-faking is also fake, fragile happiness. A happy wife is a huge blessing to the household, but only if it’s Psalm 1 style happiness. Virtue brings a happiness no hedonist or narcissist can imagine.
Your introduction is priceless, it’s like you are reading people’s thoughts and how how we point fingers and make excuses instead of taking responsibility. I tended to be the embittered husband not the pandering, but I’ve done my fair share of pandering. My marriage is not a wreck but I have a lot to do. My failure to lead well and be a good man is self evident. I’m sixty five and running out of track to make any big corrections. Repentance is definitely a Christian calling which I always reminded my children of which should be exercised daily. Thanks again Michael we all have work to do, I see it all around.
This essay is long overdue. True Christian love means pointing out the errors of our brothers and sisters, to speak the truth in love and not to overlook them, purely for the sake of "keeping the peace".
I’ve been teaching men this for years. It amazes me how evangelicalism has assimilated a secular view of women, marriage, sexuality, etc. and sprayed it with the perfume of divinity. At it’s heart it is a refusal to believe what the Scriptures teach clearly.
"But another problem is that many of you can’t read what’s right in front of you without immediately thinking about the opposite. You’ve been trained to read antithetically. Instead of taking the point being made, you immediately think about how it isn’t universally true or how it applies to someone else, and you miss the point entirely."
💯 I’ve never been able to understand why Christian men support feminism; thank you for explaining that. Whenever I talk about how women dress up their manipulation, pettiness, desire to control etc. as virtuous, my husband applauds and says I should be speaking to women…. To I which I always reply, “You know what women hate more than a man telling them they are sinners? A woman telling them they are sinners.” We can be a lot like Balaam’s donkey- balking AND talking back.
Pastors and elders can be Satan's little helpers simply by subtly accommodating the idea that a woman can survive the day of the Lord with a salvation that is a little less expansive than a man's, because she's a woman. They do this whenever they selectively detract from the sinfulness of women's sins, even slightly.
Our mother Eve was talked out of life and into death. These days, our women are talked out of the one, true salvation, incomprehensible for its greatness. Their sin is minimized, and the corresponding gospel is in women's sizes, rather than simply giving away that one, true great Gospel that fits ALL.
The fruit of all this is very bad, and it harms our children so much. Several years ago now, the Lord reached down and gave me repentance for many of these exact sins you named. I was absolutely drowning, and no one would convict me. After He wretched these sins out of my clutching, clawing heart, what rushed in was joy like I had never known. This message is so needed. It breaks my heart to see women so deceived, because I know the misery that comes from it.
Helpful post. I’d love a post or two on a solution. How men who believe in headship lead functionally egalitarian wives. A few practical tips on how to change course.
The phrasing will be different depending on if the source is a pastor or an unmarried manosphere influencer (or influenced), but what I've noticed they all have in common is that a big part of it is having the resolve to not obey her even if she blows everything up as a result. Most women will respond positively, though not immediately, if the husband decides he will do what he has resolved to do and does not change to suit her. If you are less afraid of the dissolution of your relationship than she is, then you will be the one in control. But what happens in most marriages is that the man is more afraid of losing her than she is of losing him, so she dominates him. Now, the pastors are much more helpful in explaining what 'disobeying your wife' actually looks like, and it does not look like posturing or explaining your strategy or delivering threats. But if you love God more than you love your wife, then the end of your marriage is not your greatest fear and you will be free to do what is right, and your attitude will be that you're going to serve God and she can come along if she wants to but if she refuses, you don't need her. Either it fixes your marriage or frees you from an unbeliever who is "not willing to live with you in peace," 1 Cor 7.
This is true. I struggle as a wife pleaser, yet even there I am met with continuous suspicion, as though my attempts to make her "happy" must be laced with ulterior motives, because - as a man - my motives simply cannot be trusted. There is never room for discussion of how our relationship might better flourish through open communication.
Pastors and elders can be Satan's little helpers simply by subtly accommodating the idea that a woman can survive the day of the Lord with a salvation that is a little less expansive than a man's, because she's a woman. They do this whenever they selectively detract from the sinfulness of women's sins, even slightly.
I'm going to go out on not much of a limb and say that most of the flattering husbands are also embittered, just handling it differently and bottling most of it for other outlets.
And any “happiness” purchased by peace-faking is also fake, fragile happiness. A happy wife is a huge blessing to the household, but only if it’s Psalm 1 style happiness. Virtue brings a happiness no hedonist or narcissist can imagine.
Amen and amen! Time for us all to grow up.
Your introduction is priceless, it’s like you are reading people’s thoughts and how how we point fingers and make excuses instead of taking responsibility. I tended to be the embittered husband not the pandering, but I’ve done my fair share of pandering. My marriage is not a wreck but I have a lot to do. My failure to lead well and be a good man is self evident. I’m sixty five and running out of track to make any big corrections. Repentance is definitely a Christian calling which I always reminded my children of which should be exercised daily. Thanks again Michael we all have work to do, I see it all around.
This essay is long overdue. True Christian love means pointing out the errors of our brothers and sisters, to speak the truth in love and not to overlook them, purely for the sake of "keeping the peace".
I’ve been teaching men this for years. It amazes me how evangelicalism has assimilated a secular view of women, marriage, sexuality, etc. and sprayed it with the perfume of divinity. At it’s heart it is a refusal to believe what the Scriptures teach clearly.
"But another problem is that many of you can’t read what’s right in front of you without immediately thinking about the opposite. You’ve been trained to read antithetically. Instead of taking the point being made, you immediately think about how it isn’t universally true or how it applies to someone else, and you miss the point entirely."
If I could fix one thing in all discourse...
💯 I’ve never been able to understand why Christian men support feminism; thank you for explaining that. Whenever I talk about how women dress up their manipulation, pettiness, desire to control etc. as virtuous, my husband applauds and says I should be speaking to women…. To I which I always reply, “You know what women hate more than a man telling them they are sinners? A woman telling them they are sinners.” We can be a lot like Balaam’s donkey- balking AND talking back.
Pastors and elders can be Satan's little helpers simply by subtly accommodating the idea that a woman can survive the day of the Lord with a salvation that is a little less expansive than a man's, because she's a woman. They do this whenever they selectively detract from the sinfulness of women's sins, even slightly.
Our mother Eve was talked out of life and into death. These days, our women are talked out of the one, true salvation, incomprehensible for its greatness. Their sin is minimized, and the corresponding gospel is in women's sizes, rather than simply giving away that one, true great Gospel that fits ALL.
Except that the donkey wasn't the one out of line in either action.
😆
perfectly said. this is exactly what our pastor called us to this past weekend.
This is all so well said.
Great!
The fruit of all this is very bad, and it harms our children so much. Several years ago now, the Lord reached down and gave me repentance for many of these exact sins you named. I was absolutely drowning, and no one would convict me. After He wretched these sins out of my clutching, clawing heart, what rushed in was joy like I had never known. This message is so needed. It breaks my heart to see women so deceived, because I know the misery that comes from it.
Helpful post. I’d love a post or two on a solution. How men who believe in headship lead functionally egalitarian wives. A few practical tips on how to change course.
The phrasing will be different depending on if the source is a pastor or an unmarried manosphere influencer (or influenced), but what I've noticed they all have in common is that a big part of it is having the resolve to not obey her even if she blows everything up as a result. Most women will respond positively, though not immediately, if the husband decides he will do what he has resolved to do and does not change to suit her. If you are less afraid of the dissolution of your relationship than she is, then you will be the one in control. But what happens in most marriages is that the man is more afraid of losing her than she is of losing him, so she dominates him. Now, the pastors are much more helpful in explaining what 'disobeying your wife' actually looks like, and it does not look like posturing or explaining your strategy or delivering threats. But if you love God more than you love your wife, then the end of your marriage is not your greatest fear and you will be free to do what is right, and your attitude will be that you're going to serve God and she can come along if she wants to but if she refuses, you don't need her. Either it fixes your marriage or frees you from an unbeliever who is "not willing to live with you in peace," 1 Cor 7.
This is true. I struggle as a wife pleaser, yet even there I am met with continuous suspicion, as though my attempts to make her "happy" must be laced with ulterior motives, because - as a man - my motives simply cannot be trusted. There is never room for discussion of how our relationship might better flourish through open communication.
Pastors and elders can be Satan's little helpers simply by subtly accommodating the idea that a woman can survive the day of the Lord with a salvation that is a little less expansive than a man's, because she's a woman. They do this whenever they selectively detract from the sinfulness of women's sins, even slightly.
I'm going to go out on not much of a limb and say that most of the flattering husbands are also embittered, just handling it differently and bottling most of it for other outlets.
This is an intriguing concept. Do you have more concrete examples? Like, in the home or at church or in society?