Fornication is a Thief
It’s difficult for many people, married or unmarried, to be mentally present during sex.
They have to travel through the vehicle of their imagination to another place or time to enjoy sex.
Why? In many cases, this is a fruit of sexual immorality.
Let me explain.
We mentally weave together our sexual experiences just as we do with all our categorically similar experiences.
Hence, our past sexual experiences are never too far away when we engage in new sexual experiences.
So how does this get in the way of "being present" during sex?
Here's one example:
Premarital sex, especially when it is serial, can make normal sex (sex between a husband & wife) feel boring or less thrilling.
One reason for this is that there is a thrill that comes from doing something forbidden.
In Proverbs 9, Lady Folly presented as a seducing prostitute says:
“‘Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.’
But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.”
Stolen water is sweet. But it’s poisoned water.
Therefore, the thrill of premarital sex is amplified because it is forbidden. Marriage sex, on the other hand, is not forbidden. So it won't possess the "forbidden fruit" thrill.
This wouldn't be a problem for the person who had been sexually chaste pre-marriage but it will be an issue for those who fornicated before marriage and even if they married the person they fornicated with.
Why?
Well, they will naturally desire to reproduce that same intensity of thrill and will do it by recreating it mentally.
They will travel back in time.
This is just one way that sexual immorality can rob a person of the ability to be free and present in their marriage bed.
Don’t underestimate the destructiveness of sexual immorality. Flee it. Hate it. Love purity.
Is there hope for repentant ex-fornicators who are now married?
Absolutely.
1. Ask God to help you to develop the mental discipline not to engage in fantasizing about past sins.
2. Create new and memorable experiences with your spouse.
That's good advice for where it applies, but what about emotionally distant spouses who have made sex horrible by performing it as a begrudging duty when neither party is even interested in it?