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How to Go from Living Together to Living Faithfully

Let's say you and your girlfriend or boyfriend are deeply intertwined. You live together. You own a house together. You even have children together. Yet you both profess Christ and have come to recognize what you probably already knew deep down: you're living in sin.

It's hard to go to church because you don't want to be judged. But we should be careful with that word. Sometimes "judgment" simply means making a moral assessment. If the assessment is that you're living in sin, that's a true judgment. If the judgment is that you're beyond hope or destined for hell, that's another matter entirely. Those are two very different things.

So here's what you should do.

First, stop having sex and sleep in separate rooms. If you have any real attraction to one another, sharing a bed is only going to make obedience much harder.

Second, start attending church together.

Third, tell your pastor what's going on. Explain that you've built a life together. Your finances are combined. You may own a home together. You may have children together. But you've become convinced that you need to honor Christ and make your relationship right, and you want to get married.

Every church handles this a little differently. At our church, we'd simply want to meet with you a couple of times to ask the questions that ought to be asked before you take marriage vows. Submit to that process. Don't run from it.

Then schedule a simple wedding as soon as possible and get married. Put this shame behind you and make your relationship legitimate before God and His church, even if that means having a very modest ceremony.

Later, when you have more time or more money, throw the big celebration. Invite your friends and family. Have the reception you always wanted.

The important thing is not the size of the wedding. The important thing is obeying Christ without unnecessary delay. That's the quickest way to deal with the situation, limit the spiritual damage, and establish a healthy foundation for your life together, for your family, and especially for your children.

P.S. There, of course, are other circumstances that would change the nature of this advice.