Getting Better at Saying "No"

As you mature and your household grows, responsibilities increase almost exponentially.

You can’t do everything. Saying “yes” to one thing is saying “no” to another. And saying “no” is hard for a lot of people. That’s why we get bogged down doing things that we don’t really want to do while the things we should be doing get shoved to the side.

So you must learn to say “no” and say it “often.”

How do you get better at saying “no?”

Here are 5 tips we’ve mostly adapted from Greg Mckeown’s book Essentialism:

Tip 1 - You’re rejecting the decision, not the person. You have to maintain that distinction. You can say “no” both clearly and kindly. You may even decide to use a different approach than a blunt “no.” “I appreciate the offer but I am booked up at the moment.”

Tip 2- You must keep the “trade off” in mind. By saying “no” here you can say “yes” elsewhere. “No’s” allow you to gift yourself time in the future to focus on priorities. Do “future you” a favor. Discern between the trivial many and the important few. Be choosy.

Tip 3 - You need to be okay with being temporarily unpopular. People like hearing “yes.” That’s why we like saying it. “No’s” can disappoint and anger. This too shall pass. People will come to respect you when you respect your own time more than being liked.

Tip 4 - You need to give them an answer. People rather a blunt “no” over some noncommittal response. “I’ll try to be there.” “I’ll see if I can make it.” “Maybe.” Etc. My rule is becoming “If it’s not a definite yes, it’s no.”

Tip 5 - You can tell them what you “can do” as opposed to what you “can’t do.” This a “no but” approach. They ask, “Can you help me move Friday?” You respond, “No but I can help you unpack on Saturday if that’s helpful.”

Time is precious. Spend it well.