Boundaries are everywhere. You see them on maps: nations divided by borders, states cut by lines. You see them in neighborhoods, where a fence marks one yard from the next. You hear them in the air, when a dog’s bark or a stereo carries too far. You see them in homes, circling around husband and wife, around parents and children. And you even see them in the moral and spiritual world—separating modest from immodest, holy from unholy, private from public, common from sacred.
And when those boundaries are ignored, trouble always follows.
So this is as good a place as any to press in on the difference between what is public and what is private.
By public I mean what’s open to many people, at least under broad rules. We’ve got public parks, roads, and lands—owned by the American people. But even places like malls or gas stations, though technically private, function like public spaces. They’re open to everyone, so long as you meet some basic requirements. You’ve seen the sign: No shirt, no shoes, no service. That’s public—lots of individuals sharing a space under broad guidelines.
Private, on the other hand, is reserved for a few and guarded by stricter rules. Think of a private club—you apply and gain membership. Think of private property—you need permission to hunt or fish there. And then, at the most basic level, you have private homes. A home belongs to a family. You can ring the bell, knock on the door, maybe talk from the porch—but the family has no obligation to let you in. And if they ask you to leave, you must leave.
Even within a home, you’ve got layers of space. The living room, dining room, and kitchen are common, like public spaces for the household. But bedrooms are more private. In my own house, our bedroom is just that—ours. The kids can knock, but they don’t just walk in. Same with the boys’ and girls’ rooms. About 95% of the time, they stay out of each other’s spaces. That’s not harsh; it’s teaching them that privacy matters.
This leads naturally to modesty, or setting apart certain spaces and actions. Men need their spaces. Women need theirs. Some things are meant to be private, like getting undressed. Other things belong in the public light, like a crime being judged in court. And one of the great sins is mixing these up—making public what should be private, or keeping private what must be public. Both errors destroy trust and order.
In short, boundaries keep private things private and public things public. Privacy works more like a wall with gates and doors that lock. Public things have boundaries too, but they’re often invisible. Still, wisdom is needed to navigate both.
Am I overstaying my welcome? Am I crossing into a space I shouldn’t? Is this something to bring into the open, or is it something that should stay behind closed doors? These are lessons you should learn in a healthy home. But if you grew up in a broken one, you probably didn’t, and you’ve had to learn the hard way.
And truth be told, we’ll all get it wrong sometimes. That’s part of the process. But it’s a process worth entering, because life without boundaries always breaks down.
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