Premarital Counseling Preparation Questionnaire

Emily and I do premarital counseling for our church members. It is made up of four initial sessions prior to the wedding and two after-married check-ins (one at around six months in and then another at a year married). We have the couples go through a Premarital Counseling Preparation Questionnaire prior to any sessions. It’s not designed to be comprehensive in its questions. It’s just a primer. Here it is including the instructions. Feel free to use it.

PREMARTIAL COUNSELING PREPARATION QUESTIONNAIRE

You don’t need to fill out this questionnaire. Our advice is that you each take time to review and reflect on the questions as individuals. Once you’ve taken the time needed, you should walk through it as a couple. It will be difficult you answer some of these due to life stage. You may just not know yet and that’s okay. The purpose of these questions is to gain a better knowledge of each other and especially your marital expectations. 

We will not ask all these specific questions in our counseling sessions. However, these are the sort of topics we will be addressing together and we will ask some of these questions. The purpose of the questionnaire is to prepare you to make the most of these initial (4) sessions. We’ll revisit the questionnaire at a six month check-in and then again at 1 year check-in.

IN-LAW/FAMILY

• How would you describe your relationship with your future in-laws?

• How much time do you intend to spend with each other’s family once married? 

• Are there any particular family members you feel uncomfortable around? 

• Is there anyone you wouldn’t trust with your hypothetical child?

• Do you both desire to have children? If so, how soon into the marriage? 

• Do you have an ideal number of children you desire to have? 

FRIENDS

• Who are your closest friends? 

• Who would you describe as your “confidant?”

• Which, if any, of your future spouse’s friends do you desire to see fade out of the picture? 

• How do you expect to get together with your friends without your spouse?

• Are you privy to all of each other’s social media accounts?

SEX*

• Have you discussed your past sexual history with your future spouse? 

• Did you leave out anything from your sexual history that if revealed later would undermine the trust of your future spouse?

• Are you still in contact with anyone who you previously had a romantic or sexual relationship with? To what extent?

• How frequently do you expect to be sexually intimate in an average week? 

• What measures will you take to help protect each other from any sort of sexual infidelity? 

• Have you been sexually intimate with each other? How so (kissing, intercourse, etc)? How recently?

• Do you have a history of porn usage?

• Are you happy with the way your future spouse dresses? How do you like to see them change? 

* Generally, its best to have aspects of this conversation only if a wedding date is set or if an engagement is likely and will be followed by a wedding relatively soon.

HEALTH & FITNESS

• Do you routinely exercise?

• Do you have similar views on nutrition and diet?

• Do you have any concerns about each other’s physical fitness?

FINANCES

• Have you discussed your financial history?

• How much total debt do you owe?

• Who are your creditors?

• What is your credit score?

• How much do you have saved? 

• What assets do you own?

• Do you expect to combine your finances, including shared banking accounts?

• Do you have a projected budget? 

• What budgeting software do you currently use?

• Who will do the bill paying? Why?

HOME LIFE 

• What area do you plan to live in when you are first married? How about in five years?

• Is buying a household a goal? How soon? Urban, suburban, or rural? 

• What sort of tasks/chores do you expect each other to do around the hime?

• Have you discussed sleeping habits? Will you both go to bed at the same time?

• How often do you plan to eat meals together?

• Have you discussed how often you will have guests over to your home?

LEISURE

• Have you discussed what activities you desire to be a regular part of your married life? 

• How often do you plan to go out on a date?

• What is your future spouse’s idea of a date?

• What was the most fun you ever had together?

• What are some activities you enjoy doing together?

• How often do you plan to go on vacation? 

• Have you discussed where you’d like to travel when on vacation?

• How many hours a week do you spend gaming?

SPIRITUAL

• Have you discussed your personal spiritual disciplines with each other? 

• Do you currently pray and read the Bible together? 

• What do you expect your spiritual life together to look like?

• Have you discussed what church you will be attending once you are married? 

• How do you ever rebuke each for a sin? How did that go?

• Do you have any major theological disagreements? Over what? 

COMMUNICATION

• Have you had a serious argument yet? About what? 

• What are topics you are afraid to bring up? Why? 

• Have you ever caught your future spouse in a lie? How was it resolved? 

• Do you shut down during an argument? 

• When do you feel most free to share things with your future spouse? 

• What do you appreciate about how your future spouse communicates? 

• What is an area you like to see them improve?

RELATIONAL

• What are some things you love most about your future spouse? 

• What are some things you respect about your future spouse? 

• What do you enjoy most about your future spouse? 

• What are some things you find annoying about your future spouse? 

MEDICAL

• To the best of your knowledge, are you able to conceive a child? 

• Do you currently or have you recently used anti-depressants?

• Have you ever used an illegal drug? 

• Do you have any transmittable diseases? 

• How often do you drink alcohol? How often is too often in your opinion?

• Are you and your future spouse in basic agreements on vaccines?