Seeing My Daughter Before She Grows Up

Some Reflections on a Trip to a ComicCon

My daughter Galilee is twelve, and she and I got away for a night to a comic con up in Columbus. She’s been drawing nonstop lately, so I wanted her to meet real artists, ask them questions, and see that this is an actual path people take. I was also a comic kid myself, so it didn’t hurt that I got to meet a few illustrators I grew up admiring. The main point, though, was to encourage her. Her composition and storytelling have taken a real jump this past year, and she’s at the age where a little outside input can push her even further.

Another reason for the trip is that I’m trying to carve out more one-on-one time with my kids. With eight of them, it’s not easy. Galilee’s girlhood is winding down, and she’s stepping into young womanhood. This felt like one of the last windows to spend time with her while she was still firmly on the “kid” side of the line.

I also wanted space for some deeper conversations: her faith, what she imagines for her future, how to think about marriage, even what to look for in a husband. We touch on those things here and there at home, but I wanted something slower and uninterrupted so it didn’t feel like a sudden, awkward “big talk.” I’ve learned it’s better to drop these things in gradually so they grow into normal parts of conversation. Obviously, there are topics I cover with my sons that I don’t with my daughters, and vice versa. Those things divide up between Emily and me. But this trip gave us room to talk about father-daughter things as we moved from booth to booth and over dinner.

A lot of folks who think they’re pushing back on feminism end up getting nervous about encouraging their daughters in things like art or design or any skill that might turn into paid work. They worry it will nudge them toward a careerist mindset. But if your household is ordered the right way, and if you actually understand what a household is for, you don’t need to worry about that. Feminism tries to blur the differences between men and women and treats the home like a pit stop before you go back to where “real life” supposedly happens. But learning to do good, productive work is something both sexes need. That part isn’t different.

A household is meant to produce. It’s a man and woman joining their strengths in covenant, not just to have children but to raise them in the fear of the Lord and teach them the skills that will help them build something good. Push your kids to learn a lot of different things. Somewhere in that pile of attempts they’ll find the handful that become lifelong loves and maybe even a living. Keep the household’s productivity intact, keep the biblical distinctions between the sexes clear, and also recognize what they share. Do that, and you’re on solid ground. Dad should be a good dad. Mom should be a good mom. And daughters should grow in their gifts the same way sons do.

One other lesson from the trip: don’t take a twelve-year-old girl who eats like a sparrow to a Brazilian steakhouse. Paying fifty bucks a plate for her to eat grapes, pineapple, and a few bites of meat wasn’t my brightest idea. She probably would’ve been happier with a good burger. But the company was the point. Kids want time with you, and most of the best things you can do with them don’t cost much money. They just cost your attention.