Tactics of Manipulative Members, Part 6

The Diverter

One type of manipulative church member I call the diverter. This is the person who, when confronted over sin, doesn’t humbly receive correction. Instead, they redirect attention to other issues—often problems they perceive in church leadership.

For example, let’s say you approach someone about their spotty church attendance. Instead of owning it, they’ll deflect: “Well, I’ve noticed the teenage son of one of the elders has been missing church too. Why aren’t you dealing with that?”

The right answer is simple: “Maybe I am. But right now, I’m dealing with you.”

The diverter wants to change the subject from their sin to someone else’s. It’s the classic “Look at the birdie!”—a distraction technique. Often, what they bring up is far less significant than the issue you’re confronting, but they work hard to make them seem equivalent. They equivocate. And every time you bring a charge, they file a countercharge. It’s a way to bob and weave out of accountability.

The best way to deal with a diverter is: don’t take the bait.

They’ll try to flip the speck and log command from Jesus. But that command is aimed at hypocrites—those who refuse to judge themselves by the same standard they use on others. Jesus isn’t giving everyone with a speck a “get out of repentance free” card. He’s not saying, “No one can confront sin until they’re perfect.” He’s saying we all need to repent, especially when we see something in someone else. And diverters don’t want to deal with sin at all. They just want to dodge it.

Your job is to walk them down and wear them out—not in cruelty, but in faithfulness.

In sales, there’s a technique called looping. When a potential buyer drifts off-topic, the salesperson waits for a break in the conversation and says, “Let me ask you a question…” That simple phrase helps you politely take control and bring things back to the real issue.

Try it:

“Let me ask you a question: Do you believe you’re guilty of this sin?”

If they’re humble, they’ll say yes, and now you can shepherd them.

If they’re proud, they’ll say things like:

    •    “Well, a lot of people struggle with this…” (diluting their responsibility),

    •    or “If I’m guilty, then you’re twice as guilty.” (again, diluting their responsibility)

You might respond, “Well, that just means you have half as much repentance to do, which should make it easier for you, right?”

Whatever the move, they’ll try to make it about someone else—and probably about you. Stay on course. These people can wear you out. But if left unchecked, they will become leaven that spreads insubordination and resistance to correction throughout your entire church.

You must press them until they either repent or leave. There is nothing more dangerous in a congregation than a fool who will not receive correction.