As someone once struggled with a pornography addiction, these books were a huge stumbling block! The justification of “it’s just words” doesn’t cut it— sin is sin is sin. So thankful to Jesus for my freedom many years later. For me something that helped was surrendering the inner need that was driving me to those books. As you mentioned, we as women process arousal differently, and for me the need was a desire to be pursued and loved. I found that once I let Jesus meet those needs for me through intimacy with Him, I was able to walk away from those books and pornography all together (with accountability). I also would like to point out your example of women elders going to see that male stripper movie. To me, it points to a gradual desensitization and searing of consciousness that the church is experiencing as a whole. Older females are encouraged in scripture to guide the younger females in the ways of serving their husbands and families. It saddens me to think that we could be losing the wisdom of older, more seasoned women because they have allowed their spiritual senses to be dulled by the things of this world. Finally, something that is often missing in these "women empowerment" discussions is the great cost that comes when we selfishly pursue our sinful desires. I remember losing weeks to my addiction. I would read book after book for hours, looking for some kind of "high" or "fulfillment" only to be left lacking and wanting. That cost me something. It cost me a marriage, friendships, peace and time. I know that Christ has redeemed those things for me and I am thankful to Him for it --but man what a costly lesson to learn. These books are just as if not more damaging than porn. My heart aches for any Christian who is deceived into thinking otherwise. Great read and I hope people will take this to heart!
I call them “pornography books” because words are to women what pictures are to men. Jesus said the look was the same as the action, and I think you could also say the thought is the same as the action.
Women’s sins in general seem downplayed, even in the church, as you mentioned.
At an early age, our mom repeatedly told us to absolutely avoid romance novels AND soap operas. She said they were made for "small minds." She was ahead of her time.
When we got married, my husband took the whole series of Reforming marriage by Doug Wilson and his wife Nancy, on our honeymoon. That (by God's grace) shaped my whole understanding of what covenant is and what marriage and sexuality, work, labour, childbearing and glory is and God blessed our household with 6 children! Twenty-five years later I started reading through the whole Bible as a book and ever since I have not managed to put it down…encourage women to read Scripture! Genesis, Exodus, Judges, David's chronicals in I and II Samuel, I and II Kings, the Gospel accounts, Acts, Paul's letters to the former heathens-every plot you can ever think of is in there !!! Women need to distinguish between male and female in the Bible-they can only identify with female characters-and that will shape their understanding of the Church and how beautiful the Bride is!
Thank you thank you. I’m 21 and was in the grips of erotic fiction most of my teenagehood - and from the outside it didn’t even look bad, but my imagination definitely knew where to go. I struggle with my thoughts to this day but by the grace of God I realized what I was doing and the weight of the sin and put away erotic fiction for good by the time I was 19. He will continue to sanctify me and undo the years of damage I did to myself - but how I wish more girls were taught to guard their hearts and minds, and how I wish we’d been taught to fear lust as boys are. It’s a different form but it is so lustful. Father help them - help me.
Tirzah, good point about teaching girls at a young age to guard their hearts and minds. Too often girls were overlooked in the lust department, and many of us struggled to free ourselves from what we convinced ourselves was harmless.
The harm of pornography is not primarily how it impacts the men who consume it, but that it is an industry documented to run on coercion, trafficking, financial exploitation, and the abuse of real human bodies. Children are accessing mainstream pornographic content that depicts violence and degradation as normal sexual behavior, and the research shows that this has an impact on their own sexual scripts and behaviors. Working with survivors, I can tell you that the impact and influence of pornography culture are not abstract.
I am shocked that you compare this to women reading fiction (words, no bodies, no industry, no coercion in production), most often about a slow-burn romance that ends in a committed monogamous relationship. That is the dominant trope of the majority of the genre, even if the books describe sexual scenes in detail. Enemies-to-lovers who end up devoted to each other is not a degeneracy narrative.
I agree that there is currently a significant difference between video porn and the worst novel available. Surely you can see how these novels have changed in the past few decades. I can, and I only hear about what is found between those covers (I just happen to prefer mystery and sci-fi).
With the acknowledgement that the explicit content of the novels is getting darker and more degrading, do we prefer to sound the alarm now, or should we wait until they become an avenue for human trafficking, sexual violence and corruption of the minds of our children?
The author's point, I believe, is that women are being led down a dangerous path that is being constructed specifically for us. It caters to our desires. It's not a mistake that scripture tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What we meditate on becomes the source for our actions.
This is a well thought out write up. I would like to challenge the position held and the topic in general as being more nuanced.
I don't know about female sexual degeneracy but I know there's sexual degeneracy all round. And that is separate and should be considered separately from the problems that might persist in modern church spaces. The only relation I would highlight in this light is how wordly norms seem to so easily seep into the church in this generation where Christians unwittingly adopt character traits or manner of living of those in the world but even when they do this, there's such a huge difference I believe that speaking about it in terms of actual degeneracy of believers seems so so wrong.
To my main point, when you say that shame has been largely removed from those forms of female sexuality spoken about.., I think what you posit is a problem is largely the result of the male gender getting away with centuries of male centred sexuality and brutal entitlement while their female counterparts seemed to get the short end of the stick. As someone who identified with feminism at some point in my life, the idea of female sexual liberation sounded very appealing in an age and society where men are celebrated for being openly sexual and women are shamed for doing the same so what's it now if it seems like the reverse is now the case in certain corners of the world. It's still largely a patriarchal world in most societies however including where I live and the response while I in no way agree, is a power tussle that ultimately stemmed from what obtained in the past. Hence you cannot talk about female sexual degeneracy without talking about sexual degeneracy as a whole
I agree here, I think most of feminism is an answer to unaccountable male degeneracy, but then I think that stems from men being the stronger sex so it was easier to get away with. Now, that doesn’t give as much of an edge as it once did, so instead everyone devolves into sin. The answer is for the church as a whole, men and women, to step away from the things of this world, and create in themselves a new being, not a slightly more palatable version of everyone else.
As a guy in the Gen Z age group I think this is a result of a couple things converging.
1. A lot of churches suck at approaching sex in youth and adult sermons. Everytime I heard sex discussed in youth group as a kid it was always negative and only approached through a spiritual lens. Not discussing the biology of sex and why teens and young adults have so much sexual energy does nothing for them but make sex a taboo and therefore a more enticing subject. And when it comes to adult sermons it’s usually the same and makes parents afraid of discussing sex with their kids because “if they think about sex they’re gonna do it”. My parents signed me out of the school sex ed video but then didn’t tell me anything about sex like ever. As a kid you pick up on that and learn to find your own answers because you won’t get an honest and neutral answer from your parents. So no wonder people are exploring their sexuality in media, because they never had a safe neutral group of adults to discuss it with them beyond “it’s for married couples only”.
2. A lack of media literacy being taught at home. People are really easy to influence when they are exclusively taught about the world in a good vs evil lens. All it takes is one very persuasive person that understands the world view of their audience to change the collective view of something. Teaching kids how propaganda works at a technical level sets them up to be more protected from bad influences on the internet and real life. It also equips them to take a piece of media at face value at not see it as “all good or all bad”.
As someone who struggled with porn addiction as a kid and into young adult life, parents please discuss sex with your kids. Don’t water down language, don’t frame sexual urges as inherently sinful, and teach them the biology. I promise if you show them a safe place to discuss things they won’t sneak around (as much).
The church I think failed to understand the Bible mostly because few of them have a historical frame through which to view it.
I think the people in the Bible understood sexuality much better than we do. Mostly because they lived it. They simply taught that it had a proper place.
Christians and purity culture basically think it’s proper place is marriage and place it in a weird box…. One cannot easily just “turn on the sex thing” after being taught for years that sexual thoughts and urges are sin and lust.
In their world it’s proper place is marriage, but they also didn’t tell you to wait to get married until your late twenties or early thirties.
Telling young men and women to hold off on marriage and sex until 32 or so is insane. Yet may churches do this.
And now ChatGPT can and will generate this stuff on demand, catered exactly to the particular "jollies" of the user. Thanks for ruining the world, feminism.
When I first saw the title I was both intrigued and repelled. “So here’s another guy who is writing about women’s sexuality…what could he possibly have to say about it that women don’t already know?” Well, I’m glad I read it. I think you make some great points! I remember as a kid reading this book at camp that I had no business reading at that age- it was full of all sorts of things I won’t even talk about today as an older adult. I can completely see how this genre of books can really influence women’s POV on relationships and sex. Especially young women with little experience in life and relationships.
I do have to ask why women feel they need to read this stuff in the first place? Do the men in their lives not treat them in a way that they feel supported or loved in the way they interact with them? Have we really forgotten how to treat each other? I think these genres are also a symptom of what is now missing in our culture - not the over-romanticized, fetishized versions. But that basic connection that women seek with their partners- that feeling that they are cherished, their partners find them beautiful, and worthy of loyalty - this seems to be a common theme missing in a lot of these so-called relationships today. All of which makes it really easy to cut bait when relationships fail to meet expectations, instead of working through things that would make them stronger. What do you think?
I was an avid reader as a kid, (before any real cable television or anything video), and found raunchy books in my small public library that should have been in an adult section. I also snuck my mother's copy of "The Godfather", off her nightstand and read the sordid parts as an eleven year old. Those books made sexual immorality very exciting to a young, impressionable mind. I'm aghast that my eyes saw the filth that I saw, and really appreciate the things addressed here. Thankfully, as I got older none of that kind of literature appealed to me, nor did soap operas. Praise God.
Most men do not understand how much of female sexual arrousal is mental. They see their wives naked and they are turned on…. They don’t understand necessarily that creating a narrative or dynamic is probably what would arouse their wives.
So…. You should do things that would arouse your wife’s mind if you are the husband. If you are the wife your body and enthusiasm will do 90% or more of the time.
People should probably talk about this before marrying.
Sexual arousal between husband and wife can be good - as long as it is an organic piece of the relationship. Arousal for arousal’s sake is dangerous - it is possible for a husband and wife to sin sexually even if their lusts end up being directed toward each other. To make this more pointed - there is a difference between true loving intimacy expressed sexually in the marital relationship and a situation where we are each just using another’s bodies to “get off”
I wake up horny every morning. Is this sin or is this heightened testosterone?
You are basically saying that if you “use” each other to get off it is sin. But…. Who else would you use to get off? If you are a Christian, no one other than your spouse.
Perhaps you mean you have to “make love” every time. But what does that mean? The answer is unique to every couple. One couple’s expression of love might be a war crime to you and your spouse.
I try to never give specifics as a “must do”… meaning what a man and woman do in the marital bed is up to them.
I would suggest you do it frequently, but even that is highly subjective. For one couple “frequent” means 2-3 a day.
For another couple it might mean 2-3 times a month.
So I think you got too specific. If you start wondering if you are “using” each other to get off and if your arousal is “appropriate” and “loving” you will get too in your own heads and eventually have a dead bedroom.
Don’t worry about it. Don’t think too hard about. Just do it.
I want to say that the perversions of purity culture in American Christianity are now not just being felt as a collective but finally spoken of, and men (being wholly different from women) instinctually celebrate their woman’s sexuality and expression if it’s a choice between that or “frigidity.”
Women also can’t really rape or batter men; they’re far less dangerous violently and sexually and are not the main drivers of human trafficking and the concomitant prostitution and pornography industries. So an uptick in female desire and expression — as weird as it may be — is going to be awkwardly celebrated by a lot of men and this is not because of degenerate feminism or the crumbling of western civ. Female sexuality is receptive. It’s by and large non-threatening.
Men love the idea of their women being kinky or a little “rowdy”, and without heavy-handed religious and cultural shame, and in safe environments, women are often way more sexual than men are and for longer throughout the course of a lifetime (hence the capacity for multiple orgasms and no pharmaceutical aids in middle age), but we mustn’t confuse healthy libido with dangerous and perverse degeneracy or exploitation.
I’ve never read a romance novel or anything of that nature, so I’m not here to defend or condemn the hobby, so to speak.
Women do rape and batter men and it has been coming out of the darkness for the last two decades. Women are an important part of human trafficking rings and Epstiens partner Maxwell is a good example.
Women run the prostitution and pornography industry and you only have to look at the rise of Onlyfans. Look at the number of female teachers that are having sex with under age boys and society laughs it of. As a father I want no predator getting a wink and a slap on the hand for raping my son.
Sex cults or "sex-trafficking operations" disguised as self-improvement groups or spiritual communities, most notably NXIVM ( Started by Keith Raniere and Nancy Salzman) , OneTaste, and the Children of God. These groups often utilize coercive control, psychological manipulation, and forced sexual acts, and women are a major part of these groups leadership.
If you actually look at the words of the women convicted of sleeping with their students you will notice how often they see the boys as props almost to “dark romance”….. they speak less as a male trope predator than they do as a jilted lover or something.
It is of course still predatory…. Grooming a boy into being a plaything is of course deeply predatory. But the women doing it cannot see what they are doing.
OMG you are blame shifting on the children. Small boys. Disgusting. I am a hockey coach and young boys are sorting out all kinds of chemicals and feelings. ALL adults are predators to small people.
Do you believe we should lower the age of consent?
If you think that this is what I am saying then your reading comprehension is very poor. I am saying that the wine do not perceive themselves as predators.
Them not perceiving themselves as predators doesn’t mean they are not predators. If a wolf called itself a cow and claimed the rabbit in its mouth was actually grass that wouldn’t mean the wolf is actually a cow.
I was thinking about the foundation of your statement that “women do not perceive themselves as predators”.
We know from looking around us that mass shooters for some reason have not shown up and attacked a police station. I believe that is because no matter how crazy a person is, they are just not THAT crazy.
These women know what they are doing is wrong. I have not heard of a single case where they came and discussed with the parents or other school authorities, because they know it is accepted as wrong. They just dont care and the consequences are minimal.
Normalizing mental illness does not make it OK, yet politically we are doing it as we watch groups push to lower the age of consent without facing a backlash
As someone once struggled with a pornography addiction, these books were a huge stumbling block! The justification of “it’s just words” doesn’t cut it— sin is sin is sin. So thankful to Jesus for my freedom many years later. For me something that helped was surrendering the inner need that was driving me to those books. As you mentioned, we as women process arousal differently, and for me the need was a desire to be pursued and loved. I found that once I let Jesus meet those needs for me through intimacy with Him, I was able to walk away from those books and pornography all together (with accountability). I also would like to point out your example of women elders going to see that male stripper movie. To me, it points to a gradual desensitization and searing of consciousness that the church is experiencing as a whole. Older females are encouraged in scripture to guide the younger females in the ways of serving their husbands and families. It saddens me to think that we could be losing the wisdom of older, more seasoned women because they have allowed their spiritual senses to be dulled by the things of this world. Finally, something that is often missing in these "women empowerment" discussions is the great cost that comes when we selfishly pursue our sinful desires. I remember losing weeks to my addiction. I would read book after book for hours, looking for some kind of "high" or "fulfillment" only to be left lacking and wanting. That cost me something. It cost me a marriage, friendships, peace and time. I know that Christ has redeemed those things for me and I am thankful to Him for it --but man what a costly lesson to learn. These books are just as if not more damaging than porn. My heart aches for any Christian who is deceived into thinking otherwise. Great read and I hope people will take this to heart!
I call them “pornography books” because words are to women what pictures are to men. Jesus said the look was the same as the action, and I think you could also say the thought is the same as the action.
Women’s sins in general seem downplayed, even in the church, as you mentioned.
Thank you for bringing attention to this.
Hah! We men are so nonverbal.
At an early age, our mom repeatedly told us to absolutely avoid romance novels AND soap operas. She said they were made for "small minds." She was ahead of her time.
Men can be manipulated visually with images and women emotionally, through stories. Nothing good, beautiful, or wholesome about reading smut.
Great post. 🏆🏆🏆
Shame is to the spirit what pain is to the body; an alarm that you are doing damage, and a warning not to continue.
The trend is doing great damage and because it’s packaged in feminist sexual liberation armies of gutless men and women dare not speak against it.
It’s clearly porn for women who also, by the way, are watching the video port in great numbers as well.
Dear Michael
When we got married, my husband took the whole series of Reforming marriage by Doug Wilson and his wife Nancy, on our honeymoon. That (by God's grace) shaped my whole understanding of what covenant is and what marriage and sexuality, work, labour, childbearing and glory is and God blessed our household with 6 children! Twenty-five years later I started reading through the whole Bible as a book and ever since I have not managed to put it down…encourage women to read Scripture! Genesis, Exodus, Judges, David's chronicals in I and II Samuel, I and II Kings, the Gospel accounts, Acts, Paul's letters to the former heathens-every plot you can ever think of is in there !!! Women need to distinguish between male and female in the Bible-they can only identify with female characters-and that will shape their understanding of the Church and how beautiful the Bride is!
Thank you thank you. I’m 21 and was in the grips of erotic fiction most of my teenagehood - and from the outside it didn’t even look bad, but my imagination definitely knew where to go. I struggle with my thoughts to this day but by the grace of God I realized what I was doing and the weight of the sin and put away erotic fiction for good by the time I was 19. He will continue to sanctify me and undo the years of damage I did to myself - but how I wish more girls were taught to guard their hearts and minds, and how I wish we’d been taught to fear lust as boys are. It’s a different form but it is so lustful. Father help them - help me.
Tirzah, good point about teaching girls at a young age to guard their hearts and minds. Too often girls were overlooked in the lust department, and many of us struggled to free ourselves from what we convinced ourselves was harmless.
Very insightful. I didn't see this things in this particular angle. So doleful
Galling... just galling.
The harm of pornography is not primarily how it impacts the men who consume it, but that it is an industry documented to run on coercion, trafficking, financial exploitation, and the abuse of real human bodies. Children are accessing mainstream pornographic content that depicts violence and degradation as normal sexual behavior, and the research shows that this has an impact on their own sexual scripts and behaviors. Working with survivors, I can tell you that the impact and influence of pornography culture are not abstract.
I am shocked that you compare this to women reading fiction (words, no bodies, no industry, no coercion in production), most often about a slow-burn romance that ends in a committed monogamous relationship. That is the dominant trope of the majority of the genre, even if the books describe sexual scenes in detail. Enemies-to-lovers who end up devoted to each other is not a degeneracy narrative.
I agree that there is currently a significant difference between video porn and the worst novel available. Surely you can see how these novels have changed in the past few decades. I can, and I only hear about what is found between those covers (I just happen to prefer mystery and sci-fi).
With the acknowledgement that the explicit content of the novels is getting darker and more degrading, do we prefer to sound the alarm now, or should we wait until they become an avenue for human trafficking, sexual violence and corruption of the minds of our children?
The author's point, I believe, is that women are being led down a dangerous path that is being constructed specifically for us. It caters to our desires. It's not a mistake that scripture tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What we meditate on becomes the source for our actions.
This is a well thought out write up. I would like to challenge the position held and the topic in general as being more nuanced.
I don't know about female sexual degeneracy but I know there's sexual degeneracy all round. And that is separate and should be considered separately from the problems that might persist in modern church spaces. The only relation I would highlight in this light is how wordly norms seem to so easily seep into the church in this generation where Christians unwittingly adopt character traits or manner of living of those in the world but even when they do this, there's such a huge difference I believe that speaking about it in terms of actual degeneracy of believers seems so so wrong.
To my main point, when you say that shame has been largely removed from those forms of female sexuality spoken about.., I think what you posit is a problem is largely the result of the male gender getting away with centuries of male centred sexuality and brutal entitlement while their female counterparts seemed to get the short end of the stick. As someone who identified with feminism at some point in my life, the idea of female sexual liberation sounded very appealing in an age and society where men are celebrated for being openly sexual and women are shamed for doing the same so what's it now if it seems like the reverse is now the case in certain corners of the world. It's still largely a patriarchal world in most societies however including where I live and the response while I in no way agree, is a power tussle that ultimately stemmed from what obtained in the past. Hence you cannot talk about female sexual degeneracy without talking about sexual degeneracy as a whole
I agree here, I think most of feminism is an answer to unaccountable male degeneracy, but then I think that stems from men being the stronger sex so it was easier to get away with. Now, that doesn’t give as much of an edge as it once did, so instead everyone devolves into sin. The answer is for the church as a whole, men and women, to step away from the things of this world, and create in themselves a new being, not a slightly more palatable version of everyone else.
As a guy in the Gen Z age group I think this is a result of a couple things converging.
1. A lot of churches suck at approaching sex in youth and adult sermons. Everytime I heard sex discussed in youth group as a kid it was always negative and only approached through a spiritual lens. Not discussing the biology of sex and why teens and young adults have so much sexual energy does nothing for them but make sex a taboo and therefore a more enticing subject. And when it comes to adult sermons it’s usually the same and makes parents afraid of discussing sex with their kids because “if they think about sex they’re gonna do it”. My parents signed me out of the school sex ed video but then didn’t tell me anything about sex like ever. As a kid you pick up on that and learn to find your own answers because you won’t get an honest and neutral answer from your parents. So no wonder people are exploring their sexuality in media, because they never had a safe neutral group of adults to discuss it with them beyond “it’s for married couples only”.
2. A lack of media literacy being taught at home. People are really easy to influence when they are exclusively taught about the world in a good vs evil lens. All it takes is one very persuasive person that understands the world view of their audience to change the collective view of something. Teaching kids how propaganda works at a technical level sets them up to be more protected from bad influences on the internet and real life. It also equips them to take a piece of media at face value at not see it as “all good or all bad”.
As someone who struggled with porn addiction as a kid and into young adult life, parents please discuss sex with your kids. Don’t water down language, don’t frame sexual urges as inherently sinful, and teach them the biology. I promise if you show them a safe place to discuss things they won’t sneak around (as much).
100% agree with you, this is very well put.
The church I think failed to understand the Bible mostly because few of them have a historical frame through which to view it.
I think the people in the Bible understood sexuality much better than we do. Mostly because they lived it. They simply taught that it had a proper place.
Christians and purity culture basically think it’s proper place is marriage and place it in a weird box…. One cannot easily just “turn on the sex thing” after being taught for years that sexual thoughts and urges are sin and lust.
In their world it’s proper place is marriage, but they also didn’t tell you to wait to get married until your late twenties or early thirties.
Telling young men and women to hold off on marriage and sex until 32 or so is insane. Yet may churches do this.
And now ChatGPT can and will generate this stuff on demand, catered exactly to the particular "jollies" of the user. Thanks for ruining the world, feminism.
When I first saw the title I was both intrigued and repelled. “So here’s another guy who is writing about women’s sexuality…what could he possibly have to say about it that women don’t already know?” Well, I’m glad I read it. I think you make some great points! I remember as a kid reading this book at camp that I had no business reading at that age- it was full of all sorts of things I won’t even talk about today as an older adult. I can completely see how this genre of books can really influence women’s POV on relationships and sex. Especially young women with little experience in life and relationships.
I do have to ask why women feel they need to read this stuff in the first place? Do the men in their lives not treat them in a way that they feel supported or loved in the way they interact with them? Have we really forgotten how to treat each other? I think these genres are also a symptom of what is now missing in our culture - not the over-romanticized, fetishized versions. But that basic connection that women seek with their partners- that feeling that they are cherished, their partners find them beautiful, and worthy of loyalty - this seems to be a common theme missing in a lot of these so-called relationships today. All of which makes it really easy to cut bait when relationships fail to meet expectations, instead of working through things that would make them stronger. What do you think?
I was an avid reader as a kid, (before any real cable television or anything video), and found raunchy books in my small public library that should have been in an adult section. I also snuck my mother's copy of "The Godfather", off her nightstand and read the sordid parts as an eleven year old. Those books made sexual immorality very exciting to a young, impressionable mind. I'm aghast that my eyes saw the filth that I saw, and really appreciate the things addressed here. Thankfully, as I got older none of that kind of literature appealed to me, nor did soap operas. Praise God.
Most men do not understand how much of female sexual arrousal is mental. They see their wives naked and they are turned on…. They don’t understand necessarily that creating a narrative or dynamic is probably what would arouse their wives.
So…. You should do things that would arouse your wife’s mind if you are the husband. If you are the wife your body and enthusiasm will do 90% or more of the time.
People should probably talk about this before marrying.
Sexual arousal between husband and wife can be good - as long as it is an organic piece of the relationship. Arousal for arousal’s sake is dangerous - it is possible for a husband and wife to sin sexually even if their lusts end up being directed toward each other. To make this more pointed - there is a difference between true loving intimacy expressed sexually in the marital relationship and a situation where we are each just using another’s bodies to “get off”
You are splitting hairs here….
Not at all.
I wake up horny every morning. Is this sin or is this heightened testosterone?
You are basically saying that if you “use” each other to get off it is sin. But…. Who else would you use to get off? If you are a Christian, no one other than your spouse.
Perhaps you mean you have to “make love” every time. But what does that mean? The answer is unique to every couple. One couple’s expression of love might be a war crime to you and your spouse.
I try to never give specifics as a “must do”… meaning what a man and woman do in the marital bed is up to them.
I would suggest you do it frequently, but even that is highly subjective. For one couple “frequent” means 2-3 a day.
For another couple it might mean 2-3 times a month.
So I think you got too specific. If you start wondering if you are “using” each other to get off and if your arousal is “appropriate” and “loving” you will get too in your own heads and eventually have a dead bedroom.
Don’t worry about it. Don’t think too hard about. Just do it.
I LOVE reading. But this is exactly why I only read nonfiction.
Plenty of fiction classics are good for reading.
Oh definitely. I was referring specifically to newly written fiction novels.
I have read one or two. They make uncomfortable. They seem vapid.
I want to say that the perversions of purity culture in American Christianity are now not just being felt as a collective but finally spoken of, and men (being wholly different from women) instinctually celebrate their woman’s sexuality and expression if it’s a choice between that or “frigidity.”
Women also can’t really rape or batter men; they’re far less dangerous violently and sexually and are not the main drivers of human trafficking and the concomitant prostitution and pornography industries. So an uptick in female desire and expression — as weird as it may be — is going to be awkwardly celebrated by a lot of men and this is not because of degenerate feminism or the crumbling of western civ. Female sexuality is receptive. It’s by and large non-threatening.
Men love the idea of their women being kinky or a little “rowdy”, and without heavy-handed religious and cultural shame, and in safe environments, women are often way more sexual than men are and for longer throughout the course of a lifetime (hence the capacity for multiple orgasms and no pharmaceutical aids in middle age), but we mustn’t confuse healthy libido with dangerous and perverse degeneracy or exploitation.
I’ve never read a romance novel or anything of that nature, so I’m not here to defend or condemn the hobby, so to speak.
Women do rape and batter men and it has been coming out of the darkness for the last two decades. Women are an important part of human trafficking rings and Epstiens partner Maxwell is a good example.
Women run the prostitution and pornography industry and you only have to look at the rise of Onlyfans. Look at the number of female teachers that are having sex with under age boys and society laughs it of. As a father I want no predator getting a wink and a slap on the hand for raping my son.
Sex cults or "sex-trafficking operations" disguised as self-improvement groups or spiritual communities, most notably NXIVM ( Started by Keith Raniere and Nancy Salzman) , OneTaste, and the Children of God. These groups often utilize coercive control, psychological manipulation, and forced sexual acts, and women are a major part of these groups leadership.
If you actually look at the words of the women convicted of sleeping with their students you will notice how often they see the boys as props almost to “dark romance”….. they speak less as a male trope predator than they do as a jilted lover or something.
It is of course still predatory…. Grooming a boy into being a plaything is of course deeply predatory. But the women doing it cannot see what they are doing.
OMG you are blame shifting on the children. Small boys. Disgusting. I am a hockey coach and young boys are sorting out all kinds of chemicals and feelings. ALL adults are predators to small people.
Do you believe we should lower the age of consent?
If you think that this is what I am saying then your reading comprehension is very poor. I am saying that the wine do not perceive themselves as predators.
Them not perceiving themselves as predators doesn’t mean they are not predators. If a wolf called itself a cow and claimed the rabbit in its mouth was actually grass that wouldn’t mean the wolf is actually a cow.
These women are predators. Simple as that
I was thinking about the foundation of your statement that “women do not perceive themselves as predators”.
We know from looking around us that mass shooters for some reason have not shown up and attacked a police station. I believe that is because no matter how crazy a person is, they are just not THAT crazy.
These women know what they are doing is wrong. I have not heard of a single case where they came and discussed with the parents or other school authorities, because they know it is accepted as wrong. They just dont care and the consequences are minimal.
Normalizing mental illness does not make it OK, yet politically we are doing it as we watch groups push to lower the age of consent without facing a backlash