The Three Purposes of Marriage

Marriage, Sex, and Children

I have often spoken about establishing a biblical household. Marriage is God’s design for that outcome, and within marriage Scripture identifies three main purposes: companionship, fruitfulness, and faithfulness. This isn’t my invention but the consistent teaching of historic Christianity.

The Reformers and confessions agree. The Westminster Confession says marriage is for mutual help, raising a holy seed, and safeguarding against sexual sin. Luther called it a divine gift for companionship, children, and proper desire. The Augsburg and Heidelberg confessions echo the same. These are simply summaries of Scripture.

Malachi 2:14–15 shows all three purposes in one passage:

“The LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth… She is your companion and your wife by covenant… What was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless.”

The men of Judah had abandoned their wives for foreign women. Malachi reminds them that marriage is covenantal, not casual; it joins man and woman by God’s Spirit to produce godly children. To betray that is to threaten the future of God’s people.

Before unpacking these three purposes, let me state the obvious: marriage is a risk. No risk, no reward.

Our culture trains us to hedge our bets, backup plans for everything: career, friendships, even romance. And marriage? Treat it like a lease. But God designed marriage as covenant, not contract. It demands your whole self: your body, time, money, and name. It binds you to another’s failures and exposes yours. And it does this without a refund policy.

Vows require faith. No amount of premarital counseling or compatibility testing can spare you from suffering, sin, and feeling at times married to a stranger. You can’t Google your way through that. You endure it.

There will be nights of anger, mornings of indifference, and temptations to start over. But if you stay—repenting, forgiving, leading, following—something stronger grows. Not the wedding-night oneness, but the battle-tested, covenant-sealed unity buried in the same graveyard. That kind of one-flesh doesn’t come cheap.

Our culture wants reward without risk: sex without covenant, intimacy without sacrifice, children without commitment. But when it all collapses, the institution isn’t to blame; it’s our refusal to build it God’s way.

Marriage is risky, but the reward is covenantal companionship, fidelity, and fruitfulness.

Companionship

Genesis 2 makes it clear: man was not meant to be alone. Dominion requires both sexes. Masculinity and femininity are different but complementary, and only together do they produce households that glorify God.

People sometimes ask if men should have a feminine side. I say yes, she’s called a wife. Emily is my feminine half. A companion is someone who walks beside you: lover, friend, co-worker. Genesis 2:25 captures it: “They were naked and not ashamed.” To be fully known and not despised is rare and holy.

True companionship requires agreement. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” Shared mission—raising children, paying off debt, serving in the church—becomes the soil where companionship grows. Too many couples consume together but never build together. Shared labor welds two lives into one.

But unity isn’t sameness. Marriage is not sentimental fusion or codependency. It’s two persons with distinct strengths, joined as one flesh. Like two trees rooted in the same soil, they grow distinct yet together, bearing fruit.

Companionship is not optional. It is the essence of marriage.

Sex

Our culture normalizes what God calls perverse. Schools, media, even conservative outlets blur boundaries. We must teach about sexuality early, but with modesty. Silence and bluntness alike can rob children of innocence.

Paul addresses Corinth’s confusion in 1 Corinthians 7. Some claimed celibacy was ideal. Paul answers: “Because of temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Marriage is a God-given safeguard.

Sexual desire is good. Proverbs 5 tells husbands to rejoice in their wives and be intoxicated with their love. Desire is like fire: destructive outside the hearth, life-giving within it. Intimacy strengthens marriage, produces children, deepens trust, and fuels productivity.

Paul insists intimacy is not optional: “Do not deprive one another.” In marriage vows, you gave your body to your spouse. Husbands and wives owe each other due affection. Most marriages need more, not less. Flex with your season of life. Ask, “What would bless you?” and stretch for each other.

Such intimacy renews vows again and again. It weakens Satan’s grip, strengthens gratitude, and shows children that Christian marriage is not bleak but blessed.

Children

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD” (Ps. 127:3). Marriage is not designed to stop with two people. From the start, God commanded, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Companionship points outward, toward new life.

In Scripture, children are inheritance and continuation. Many hands made light work; without them, households withered. Fertility is celebrated; barrenness is mourned. Marriage was made for fruitfulness.

Yet in a fallen world, some remain childless. This is not the original design but the effect of sin and death. Still, childless couples can build households through adoption, discipleship, and hospitality. And God will restore all loss in the new creation.

Children, however, are not automatically a blessing. Eli’s sons were corrupt; Absalom betrayed his father. A quiver full of bent arrows is no blessing. What makes children a reward is discipleship. Fruitfulness is not just numbers but faithfulness. Abraham had one son of promise.

How many children should a couple have? Scripture gives no blueprint. God opens and closes the womb. Children are gifts—received, not manufactured. What’s required is that they be treasured, protected, and raised in the Lord.

Parenting is not only bearing fruit but bringing in the harvest. And unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain.

A Dance

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It is risk and reward: companionship, fidelity, and fruitfulness under God’s design.

The best metaphor we’ve got is dance. When it works, it’s beautiful. When it falters, it hurts. But it always takes two people who believe in something bigger than their own rhythm. The man leads, the woman follows; neither is idle. She isn’t a puppet, he isn’t a tyrant. They move differently because they are different, and yet they move together.

That’s marriage. Companionship is two steps, two wills, one mission. Fidelity is trust that keeps you on the floor when you stumble. Fruitfulness is what the dance produces: children and legacy.

Sometimes one shines, sometimes the other fades back. That’s not balance; it’s order. A godly man doesn’t want a wife who simply nods along; he wants a woman who answers his lead like music answers silence. A godly woman doesn’t want a man who hides from risk but one who takes the first step.

When both stay in, marriage becomes earthy and weighty, good like warm bread and strong coffee. A covenant forged through years of repentance, forgiveness, and laughter. And that’s why it’s worth the risk. Because when a man and woman, by the Spirit, catch God’s rhythm, the world sees something holy, fruitful, and unshakeable.