The Years You’re Rushing Past Are the Golden Years

Here's a Simple Way to Enjoy Them

Here’s something you’ll eventually realize, but if I do my job here, maybe I can help you get ahead of me.

The most difficult, stressful years of your life, the years when you’re buried under little kids, trying to buy a house, scrambling for resources, climbing the ladder at work, the years when there’s never enough time and you’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off… those years, believe it or not, are some of your golden years. Some of your best memories will come from there.

I remember being driven by one main goal: just get through. Survive these years. Make it to the other side, where things are easier.

And don’t get me wrong, it is good to be able make ends meet with some ease. It’s good not to live on the edge of financial disaster. It’s good to have some margin and some free time.

But that busy, crowded, stretched-thin season of life is full of blessings. And you usually don’t see how many until they’re gone.

I’ve heard a lot of people in their 20s and 30s talk about how mediocre their parents were, but how great they are as grandparents. A lot of that comes from regret. It’s the realization that you didn’t really enjoy what was right in front of you.

Every little step. Every first word. Their small victories... on the field, on the mat, in the classroom. Becoming a grandparent gives people a second taste of what they didn’t fully appreciate the first time.

Now, I don’t know that you can ever fully appreciate anything while you’re in it. But there are ways not to miss it.

One thing I started doing was rehearsing in my head the things my kids care about, the things they love. I try to meet them there. I try to connect with them along those lines. And then, as simple as it sounds, I try to enjoy them enjoying things.

Athan loves planes and wrestling. Gal loves art. Caed loves politics and debate. Cedar loves hanging out with her two friends (they refer to themselves as “the triplets”). Cyp loves Legos. Cyrene is in that “I’m a princess” stage. Foxe wants to do dangerous things.

There is more to my kids. So much more. But those are areas where I can check in:

“What’s the latest in the world, Caed?”
“Does anyone have a shot at state on your team, Athan?”
“Cyp, show me what you’ve built recently.”
“Gal, how’s your comic coming? Can I see?”
"Cedar, what have the triplets been up to?"

There are little doors into their lives. Some of their responses will be golden memories you treasure for the rest of your life.

That’s one of the quiet arts of fatherhood: learning to take real pleasure in someone else’s joy.

Here’s a practical tip. Set an alarm on your phone that says, “Ask one of my kids about their thing or their day. Then listen and ask follow-up questions.”

This will go fast. You can't even comprehend it. You will just have to trust me.