Some thoughts on influencers and friendship…
I’m probably not your friend. Could I be your friend? Yes. Would I be friendly if we met in real life? Definitely.
I don’t say this to be hurtful, but because we are allowing social media to create an illusion.
And “influencers” can gain more influence or money by allowing the illusion of personally caring about their followers.
The illusion of friendship comforts people who feel isolated or ostracized. It’s easy to monetize, so many keep up the charade.
But influencers with a large following don’t care about you in that sense because they can’t.
Personalized care doesn’t scale, but generalized care does.
Many influencers care about their followers in a “general sense.” They want them to be successful, healthy, happy, godly, etc.
But they don’t care about them like a close friend does. That deep and intimate connection is a limited resource.
Dr. Robin Dunbar, a British Anthropologist, proposed that humans could have no more than 150 meaningful relationships. There is a good deal of pushback on “Dunbar’s number.” Some of it resonates. Technology has made it easier to have more acquaintances than ever before. I still doubt those are very deep relationships.
But, regardless, how far off can Dubar be? What if we double, triple, or even quadruple the number? Let’s pretend we can have 600 meaningful relationships. Look at your friend’s list. Do you really have deep and meaningful relationships with those people? I don’t. I can’t.
So why am I on social media?
For me, it’s more about the media. My social media tank is pretty well spent on my non-digital relationships. I want to get ideas out there. I think being an “influencer” is crass and reductive.
However, I am trying to exert influence. It’s true. That’s why I write books. But a lot of people aren’t reading books. They are reading and watching social media content. So, I fish in that pond as well, with the goal of promoting the importance of embodied relationships, physical church involvement, and localism. I try to be a gateway drug to functional anti-gnosticism.
If people don’t listen to or read It’s Good to Be a Man because they have all they need from the presence and wisdom of real-world brothers and fathers, great!
That’s the goal.
If people don’t attend OUR Conference because they are too wrapped up in work in the local community, great!
That’s the goal.
If people unfollow me and stop listening to my sermons because they have what they need in real-world relationships, great!
That’s the goal.
My FB friend list has topped out at 5000, and my Twitter number is just around 45k. This substack is around 3k. I’ll use it to get ideas out there. But I won’t participate in the creation of illusion. I would rather burn the whole thing to the ground.
Online content can provide huge benefits, but it is no replacement for real-world friendships.
You need to know and be known by people who love you deeply. Find a church, plug in, and build friendships.
I take great pleasure in seeing people take action on the content I create. I love it. I appreciate the audience and hope I can continue to be a blessing.
I fully agree. This is why I created https://memlane.app. Technology should be used to improve our real relationships, not mediate or become the thing we communicate with instead.