When Your Kid is Caught in Porn

A Father’s Guide

A few years ago, I got a text that made me wince:

"Do you have a recommendation for helping a preteen with porn addiction? Sad question, I know."

Sad? Yes. But not surprising. Not anymore. The digital age has made porn accessible in ways our generation never faced.

When I was a kid, porn was a stack of VHS tapes hidden in the back of some older relative’s closet. These days, it’s not only out in the open—it’s marketed directly to your children. It finds them young, hooks them fast, and eats away at their souls before they even know what’s happening.

If you’re a father, you have to be ready for this—not with anger or cold rules, but with steady love and a clear head.

Here’s what I told that parent. Here’s what I’d say to any father who just found out his son—or daughter—is watching porn.

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1. Start With Love, Not Shame

Look your child in the eyes and tell them you love them. That you’re not ashamed of them. That this doesn’t change how you see them or what you believe about their future.

Then go further—tell them you’ve had to fight sin too. Maybe even this very one. Don’t make it abstract. Be real. Your kid needs to know that sin is common, but hiding it is deadly. That failure isn’t final. That grace is real. That Dad knows what it’s like to struggle, and he’s not going anywhere.

If you show that you understand the cost of this kind of sin—and that you're willing to walk with them out of it—they’ll keep coming to you.

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2. Explain Why Porn Is So Dangerous

Your child probably already knows it’s wrong. That’s not enough. They need to understand why.

Tell them porn wrecks them spiritually. It trains their heart to crave what God hates. It feeds lust, kills gratitude, dulls the conscience, and separates them from the presence of the Lord. It compromises their integrity and breeds moral cowardice.

Tell them it damages their body and brain. Science is finally catching up to what Scripture has always said—sin has consequences. Porn hijacks dopamine, weakens impulse control, and leads to dependency. Some kids can’t focus. Some grow numb to real relationships. Some develop sexual dysfunction before they’ve ever even had sex.

Tell them porn kills intimacy. Those videos are fiction—deep fiction. They lie about what it means to be loved by the opposite sex. Porn doesn’t prepare you for covenant; it trains you for consumption. It makes them selfish. It turns them into users, not lovers. It stunts their ability to love, protect, and cherish a spouse one day.

Don’t moralize. Catechize. Show them the cost of sin—and the power of repentance.

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3. Build Speed Bumps

Ultimately, you can’t lock your kid in a closet and throw away the router. But you can control access. You can give them tools. You can create speed bumps—things that make sin harder and holiness easier.

Start here:

a. Filters. Every device needs one—iPads, phones, laptops. Don’t just use the built-in ones—use something real. And don’t stop at the device level. Filter your home network. You wouldn’t leave rat poison on the kitchen counter. Don’t leave porn two taps away.

b. Shared screens. No devices in bedrooms until proven discipline (think older teens). Until then, every screen stays in public areas where people are present. It’s not about distrust. It’s about wisdom.

c. Weekly check-ins. Sit down and ask: “Did you look at porn this week?” Say it calmly. Say it consistently. Make it normal. Make it safe. And if they say yes, don’t melt down. Thank them for telling the truth. Then help them start again.

These aren’t foolproof. But they’re proof that you’re involved—and that you care.

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4. Help Them Identify Triggers

Most kids don’t know why they fall. They just know they do. Help them slow down and think:

• When are you most tempted?

• What’s going on before you go looking?

• What feelings lead you there—boredom? sadness? stress?

Naming temptation weakens its grip. Patterns reveal pressure points. Once they see the cycle, they can break it.

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5. Give Them Better Weapons

Porn isn’t just about lust. It’s about escape. So when you take it away, you better replace it with something better. Otherwise, they’ll find a new drug.

Teach them how to fight the right way:

• Prayer and Bible reading. Don’t make them feel like penance. Show them it’s where they go for help, not to pay God back.

• Physical exertion. Pushups. Sprints. Yard work. Clean something. Build something. Get their body moving and their mind reset.

• Skill development. Music, coding, drawing, sports. Turn energy into mastery.

• Real relationships. Get them around godly men or women. Take them to work with you. Let them overhear you talking about real life, not just YouTube.

Don’t just take away porn. Lead them into the richness of the tangible world.

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6. Circle Back to Grace and Grit

End how you started: remind them you love them. Tell them that porn makes you weak, but truth makes you strong. Tell them living a lie will destroy their soul, but walking in the light—no matter how hard—is always worth it.

Let them know you’re not asking for perfection. You’re asking for honesty. If they stumble, they need to come to you—not because they fear you, but because they trust you.

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You don’t have to get every step exactly right. The filters, the check-ins, the conversations—they matter. But what matters more is you. Your presence. Your steadiness. Your willingness to step into awkward, painful, even shameful places and lead with truth and grace.

What your kids need more than a system is a father who doesn’t flinch. A father who knows the fight, who isn’t afraid to call sin what it is, and who won’t walk away when it shows up in his own home.

Don’t outsource this. Don’t delay. Don’t hide behind your own guilt or discomfort.

Your kids don’t need a perfect dad.
They need a godly one.
A present one.
They need you.