It is so important to have teaching like this for women, thank you! I never wanted to nag or strong-arm my way into "healthier" marriage rhythms and communication, but it took me a long time to find something that was directed towards me as a wife. I found a lot of help from Laura Doyle's books, and your article is a lovely addition to what I've learned. Women can be a powerful force for good in their marriages!
Laura Doyle is not a Christian so you so have to sift through her ideas, but so many of her basic principles are solid and have helped my marriage tremendously. I started with her book The Surrendered Wife.
I wish there was articles written for those of us who can not have sex for medical reasons, and how that affects the marriage. It is a devastating thing to be going through, and too many men and women are walking it alone because sex is a topic, as you mentioned, many do not bring up within the church.
The current climate is so "sex-positive" that there is almost no room for abstinence for any reason. It is quite like the church has appropriated the world's view of sex and rebranded it. All through the many centuries, abstinence has been some part of marriage. Until this last century, there was no reliable way to avoid pregnancy and so couples were called to abstain at times, sometimea for long seasons, sometimes permanently. Now to abstain seems a cruelty to the spouse and unthinkable. How have we gotten so far from seeing sex as part if marriage, not the point?
I dont know. But i am in ministry school and this is something i want to learn how to help women or married couples with and i feel it belongs under the grieving section because it is real, it is common, and it is devastating. I know the Lord has allowed us to go through what we are for His good purposes.
It is a good and beautiful and hard thing. It is a particular cross. It is to be embraces when necessary, to see where we need to grow. Sex is not a human right. It is a privilege to be enjoyed in the right time and space.
Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. It seems you don't like to hear that message but it is true. Without sex, you are really just roommates and that is not a marriage. There are also natural ways to avoid getting pregnant other than not having sex. Women are only fertile 5 days out of their whole cycle. Learn more about your cycle.
Anyway, women can make all the excuses they choose for not wanting to build a warm, affectionate, sexual relationship with their husband. As for me, I know how important it is to our marriage and it continues to get sweeter and better and richer with time, and a true blessing from God in ways I never imagined
It is more than presumptuous to assume that abstaining due to physical illness, disability or serious need is some sort of coldness on the part of the couple. Couples with placenta previa, for example, will have to defer relations for the duration of the pregnancy and the necessary postpartum time. It might be 6 or more months before they can resume. Is that coldness or a lack of desire? Or is, rather prudential and generous love?
And in the case where a husband is injured in war and is no longer able to have relationship. Ever. I know of 2 such cases personally. Should the wives abandon their husbands? Of course not. That would deny the vows they made; "in sickness and in health."
Sex is intended for a marriage. It does build and rebuild relationship. It is good. But it is not a right. And all marriages will experience times when abstinence is the more loving and generous choice. One or both spouses freely and openly surrender their desires for the good of another is the definition of love. And I would daresay it it far more challenging, misunderstood and unappreciated than when sex need not be curtailed.
Sorry if this comes off as rude but i don't know how else to say it so please take it with good intentions. Times of abstinence and deacons who choose to give up sex are absolutely not related whatsoever to this topic. One is a choice, ine is not. A choice to honor God with your body and abstain, is not equal, nor is it devastating, to the married couple who need sexual intimacy for childbearing or in our case, connection/healing. There are many variables as to why couples would need sex in their marriage, but learning ro grieve ot rather than curse God, or one another, is vital. It is true that God wants what is best for us, and knows what is best for us, but with a wrong understanding of the delicate topic, couples may be growing bitterness, resentment, loneliness and deep disconnect and distrust with God and with each other, threfore never able to get to the place where they can say wholeheartedly: God, this hurts us, and we do not understand why, but we trust you.
Within the church I have heard men are to be primary initiators of intimacy. It has made for many nights where I wish my husband would read my mind. I appreciate the reference to Song of Solomon saying women also can initiate. And the other scripture that mentions it should be agreed upon together if abstaining for a time. Always good reminders, and for me could prevent future disappointment! That ties right into the first point about communication!
Such a balanced and well stated article! We all need this balance!
Do you have this in Spanish?
No, we don't.
ChatGPT brother. Takes minutes.
Powerful article...
So good!
Thank you.
Thank you for this real, honest, and Biblically truthful post!
Hallelujah love it let me build my husband up and do him good all the days of my life
Beautiful. Thank you!
Thank you
Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing this wisdom!
Great and needed refresher for me
Thank you 🙏
This is excellent. Thank you so much for sharing. Exactly what I needed to hear right now.
It is so important to have teaching like this for women, thank you! I never wanted to nag or strong-arm my way into "healthier" marriage rhythms and communication, but it took me a long time to find something that was directed towards me as a wife. I found a lot of help from Laura Doyle's books, and your article is a lovely addition to what I've learned. Women can be a powerful force for good in their marriages!
Thank you for the recommendation of Laura Doyle. Just one article is helpful, but more insight strengthens these ideas.
Laura Doyle is not a Christian so you so have to sift through her ideas, but so many of her basic principles are solid and have helped my marriage tremendously. I started with her book The Surrendered Wife.
Thank you!
I wish there was articles written for those of us who can not have sex for medical reasons, and how that affects the marriage. It is a devastating thing to be going through, and too many men and women are walking it alone because sex is a topic, as you mentioned, many do not bring up within the church.
The current climate is so "sex-positive" that there is almost no room for abstinence for any reason. It is quite like the church has appropriated the world's view of sex and rebranded it. All through the many centuries, abstinence has been some part of marriage. Until this last century, there was no reliable way to avoid pregnancy and so couples were called to abstain at times, sometimea for long seasons, sometimes permanently. Now to abstain seems a cruelty to the spouse and unthinkable. How have we gotten so far from seeing sex as part if marriage, not the point?
I dont know. But i am in ministry school and this is something i want to learn how to help women or married couples with and i feel it belongs under the grieving section because it is real, it is common, and it is devastating. I know the Lord has allowed us to go through what we are for His good purposes.
It is a good and beautiful and hard thing. It is a particular cross. It is to be embraces when necessary, to see where we need to grow. Sex is not a human right. It is a privilege to be enjoyed in the right time and space.
Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. It seems you don't like to hear that message but it is true. Without sex, you are really just roommates and that is not a marriage. There are also natural ways to avoid getting pregnant other than not having sex. Women are only fertile 5 days out of their whole cycle. Learn more about your cycle.
Anyway, women can make all the excuses they choose for not wanting to build a warm, affectionate, sexual relationship with their husband. As for me, I know how important it is to our marriage and it continues to get sweeter and better and richer with time, and a true blessing from God in ways I never imagined
It is more than presumptuous to assume that abstaining due to physical illness, disability or serious need is some sort of coldness on the part of the couple. Couples with placenta previa, for example, will have to defer relations for the duration of the pregnancy and the necessary postpartum time. It might be 6 or more months before they can resume. Is that coldness or a lack of desire? Or is, rather prudential and generous love?
And in the case where a husband is injured in war and is no longer able to have relationship. Ever. I know of 2 such cases personally. Should the wives abandon their husbands? Of course not. That would deny the vows they made; "in sickness and in health."
Sex is intended for a marriage. It does build and rebuild relationship. It is good. But it is not a right. And all marriages will experience times when abstinence is the more loving and generous choice. One or both spouses freely and openly surrender their desires for the good of another is the definition of love. And I would daresay it it far more challenging, misunderstood and unappreciated than when sex need not be curtailed.
Sorry if this comes off as rude but i don't know how else to say it so please take it with good intentions. Times of abstinence and deacons who choose to give up sex are absolutely not related whatsoever to this topic. One is a choice, ine is not. A choice to honor God with your body and abstain, is not equal, nor is it devastating, to the married couple who need sexual intimacy for childbearing or in our case, connection/healing. There are many variables as to why couples would need sex in their marriage, but learning ro grieve ot rather than curse God, or one another, is vital. It is true that God wants what is best for us, and knows what is best for us, but with a wrong understanding of the delicate topic, couples may be growing bitterness, resentment, loneliness and deep disconnect and distrust with God and with each other, threfore never able to get to the place where they can say wholeheartedly: God, this hurts us, and we do not understand why, but we trust you.
Within the church I have heard men are to be primary initiators of intimacy. It has made for many nights where I wish my husband would read my mind. I appreciate the reference to Song of Solomon saying women also can initiate. And the other scripture that mentions it should be agreed upon together if abstaining for a time. Always good reminders, and for me could prevent future disappointment! That ties right into the first point about communication!