On Discernment, Justice, and the Work of Hearing Both Sides

The Right Use of Proverbs 18:17

“The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”
—Proverbs 18:17

There’s a kind of wisdom that doesn’t say much at first. It listens. It waits. It doesn’t leap. That’s the kind of wisdom Proverbs 18:17 calls for.

This verse gets quoted a lot. It’s often misunderstood. Some treat it like a license to be suspicious of everyone. Others use it to dodge hard decisions. But what it teaches is older, heavier, and more practical than that.

Matthew Henry put it plainly:
“One tale is good till another is told. He that speaks first will be sure to tell a straight story, and relate that only which makes for him... so that his cause shall appear good, whether it really be so or no.”

That’s the problem. People don’t usually lie outright. They just tell the part that helps them. They leave out the part that doesn’t. They tell the story like it’s settled, when it’s not.

Wisdom knows that. Wisdom waits to hear both sides.

Where We Get This Wrong

The first mistake is to think this verse means nobody can be trusted. That’s not discernment. That’s cynicism with a Bible verse taped to it.

Proverbs isn’t saying people are always lying. It’s saying people tend to tell stories that favor themselves. Sometimes that’s conscious. Sometimes not. Either way, it means you don’t judge until you’ve examined the whole thing.

Another mistake is using this verse to shut people down. Someone comes forward with something true. Hard to hear. And instead of dealing with it, folks say, “Well, you know, there are always two sides.” That’s a clever way to dodge the weight of truth. Especially when the other side has no intention of speaking. Truth-tellers love cross-examination as it’s another opportunity for them to tell the truth.

This verse doesn’t tell you to ignore the first speaker. It tells you not to stop with them. Truth needs to be confirmed, not dismissed.

Then there are those who use this proverb to stall forever. They refuse to act. Always waiting for more information. Always holding off. They call it wisdom. It’s often cowardice. Justice delayed is usually justice denied.

A Charles Bridges once said,
“Judges are bound to consider, take advice, and speak. But neither should they leave the matter unsettled if the truth has been sufficiently revealed.”

There’s a ditch on both sides of the road. One is acting too soon. The other is refusing to act at all.

Then there’s the worst misreading of this verse. Some think it means truth is just a matter of perspective. That it shifts depending on who tells the story better. This can be cloaked with phrases like, “We just see things differently.” That’s not biblical. Truth is real. It just takes work to uncover.

Henry again:
“We must remember that we have two ears, to hear both sides before we give judgment.”

The deeper issue here is pride. We tell our version. We believe it. We wrap ourselves in it. And then we refuse to be examined. But as Bridges warned,
“Watch against a self-justifying spirit. Cultivate the spirit of self-distrust. Judge as under the eye of God.”

That’s the heart of Proverbs 18:17. Not just about listening to others. It’s about being willing to question yourself.

Where This Matters

This shows up everywhere, but especially in churches.

In Church Conflict

A member says the worship leader is arrogant and controlling. The pastor believes them. Acts quickly. But he hasn’t spoken to the worship leader. Hasn’t asked questions. Just assumed.

That’s a mistake. Wisdom listens. It probes. It doesn’t take the first story as gospel.

In Leadership

A ministry leader complains about a volunteer. Says they aren’t pulling their weight. The elders respond by making changes. They never ask the volunteer. Later they find out it was a communication issue, not laziness.

Leaders have to stop reacting and start discerning. Every accusation should be weighed but dealt with in accordance with its severity.

In Counseling

A wife says her husband is cold and distant. The pastor hears her and rebukes the husband. But he hasn’t asked the man a single question. Later, he learns the man is buried under work and didn’t realize how his silence was being received.

Pastors must dig. They must be patient. They must love the truth more than being quick to solve things.

What It Takes

Real justice is not fast. It doesn’t jump to conclusions. It doesn’t buy the first story. It listens and cross-examines. It waits to speak until the matter has been made plain.

In a world of hot takes and first impressions, Proverbs 18:17 is cold water. This is not permission to question the very existence of truth or delay justice. It tells us to sit down. To listen longer. To examine before concluding. And it reminds us that truth is not always loud, but it is always there for those with the courage to seek it.

This is the work of wisdom. And it’s the burden of anyone who would lead well.