Love it. We have four young kids and each one gets a monthly doughnut date with dad and full on breakfast date with me 🥲 we don’t know how many children the Lord will give us, but we’re hoping we can sustain the pattern. What a gift to look our kids in the face one at a time.
This is probably not the most common problem but I wondered if you could share some wisdom on how much to allow other people (like extended family) give kids quality time, gifts, etc… Our situation is weird. My husband is a lot younger than his siblings, and his two older sisters each had three kids that are now young adults/teenagers. Both sisters worked and sent their kids to school, and built nice homes with lots of amenities we don’t yet have because of the priorities we have had through our 20’s/30’s (homeschooling, large family, single income). I know we are invested in the right areas and we are providing a wonderful childhood for our kids! We have six kids, and they are amazing company! We frequently have teen cousins or aunts that want to plan special days, shopping trips and outings with our girls and I don’t blame them for that. These “special days” are always extravagant, with tons of one on one quality time that we ourselves rarely have the luxury of enjoying due to the actual responsibilities that go into providing for our children’s needs, keeping the home they live in, educating them, etc. This has some negative effects… the bar is unrealistically high for quality time, so doing something within our means (time wise and financially) pales in comparison to the investments made by those outside of our household. The relationships are a little more intimate than I’m comfortable with (the teenage girls are overly snuggly with my little girls in a way I think should be reserved for mom\dad) and my kids are struggling more and more with discontentment (not valuing the hundreds of hours my husband spends reading aloud to them or the three times a day we sit together to eat, etc.) The boys also do not get the same attention, so even though we are intentional about balance, the girls end up with more and my oldest son notices. On top of that, this may be a little petty on my part, but it’s annoying that a particular aunt made her life choices but gets to “borrow” my kids simply for the fun parts and making significant memories. But I feel mean if I ever say no, especially when plans are made, or special things offered without me knowing first. Then it’s worse, because mom and dad are not only the ones who don’t give “special enough” things, but we take special things away. Is it just insecurity talking or is this genuinely a concerning situation?
We did that too. Well, after trying once to host a birthday party… it was absolutely exhausting, having to do twice as much of what we were already always doing: herding kids, serving food, cleaning up messes, settling squabbles. That was obviously NOT going to work.
So instead, we made a short plan for each child. They got to pick their own birthday present (within budget, of course) and go shop for it, while we chose their Christmas presents. At first, we not only took them out to eat, but also had a special activity, like going to the zoo or to a baseball game. After a while, we had to drop the activity. If we were still doing it, I think I would just do the activity for the kids who were too young to go on short trips with me (below 7yo).
And they got a small raise in their allowance every year. It worked pretty well, and I think they liked it. Nowadays, with the kids all grown and spread everywhere, they get Amazon gift cards! 😁
As someone who grew up in this kind of environment, I approve this message! The rhythm wasn't always consistent, but it was always sweet.
Love it. We have four young kids and each one gets a monthly doughnut date with dad and full on breakfast date with me 🥲 we don’t know how many children the Lord will give us, but we’re hoping we can sustain the pattern. What a gift to look our kids in the face one at a time.
This is probably not the most common problem but I wondered if you could share some wisdom on how much to allow other people (like extended family) give kids quality time, gifts, etc… Our situation is weird. My husband is a lot younger than his siblings, and his two older sisters each had three kids that are now young adults/teenagers. Both sisters worked and sent their kids to school, and built nice homes with lots of amenities we don’t yet have because of the priorities we have had through our 20’s/30’s (homeschooling, large family, single income). I know we are invested in the right areas and we are providing a wonderful childhood for our kids! We have six kids, and they are amazing company! We frequently have teen cousins or aunts that want to plan special days, shopping trips and outings with our girls and I don’t blame them for that. These “special days” are always extravagant, with tons of one on one quality time that we ourselves rarely have the luxury of enjoying due to the actual responsibilities that go into providing for our children’s needs, keeping the home they live in, educating them, etc. This has some negative effects… the bar is unrealistically high for quality time, so doing something within our means (time wise and financially) pales in comparison to the investments made by those outside of our household. The relationships are a little more intimate than I’m comfortable with (the teenage girls are overly snuggly with my little girls in a way I think should be reserved for mom\dad) and my kids are struggling more and more with discontentment (not valuing the hundreds of hours my husband spends reading aloud to them or the three times a day we sit together to eat, etc.) The boys also do not get the same attention, so even though we are intentional about balance, the girls end up with more and my oldest son notices. On top of that, this may be a little petty on my part, but it’s annoying that a particular aunt made her life choices but gets to “borrow” my kids simply for the fun parts and making significant memories. But I feel mean if I ever say no, especially when plans are made, or special things offered without me knowing first. Then it’s worse, because mom and dad are not only the ones who don’t give “special enough” things, but we take special things away. Is it just insecurity talking or is this genuinely a concerning situation?
We did that too. Well, after trying once to host a birthday party… it was absolutely exhausting, having to do twice as much of what we were already always doing: herding kids, serving food, cleaning up messes, settling squabbles. That was obviously NOT going to work.
So instead, we made a short plan for each child. They got to pick their own birthday present (within budget, of course) and go shop for it, while we chose their Christmas presents. At first, we not only took them out to eat, but also had a special activity, like going to the zoo or to a baseball game. After a while, we had to drop the activity. If we were still doing it, I think I would just do the activity for the kids who were too young to go on short trips with me (below 7yo).
And they got a small raise in their allowance every year. It worked pretty well, and I think they liked it. Nowadays, with the kids all grown and spread everywhere, they get Amazon gift cards! 😁