The Overlooked Skills That Make or Break a Pastor, Part 3

Selectively Ignoring People and Problems

This may sound controversial, but it’s essential: a pastor must learn how to selectively ignore people and problems.

Not ignore out of laziness. Not ignore because you don’t care. But ignore on purpose, for the good of the church.

There are people I call black holes. That phrase alone will offend some, but the description is accurate. These are individuals who consume endless amounts of your time, energy, and attention, yet it never makes a dent. No matter how many meetings you have, how many hours you spend listening, or how available you make yourself, it will never be enough.

And if you let it, they’ll wear you out and distract you from your actual calling.

This is especially critical for church planters and pastors revitalizing struggling churches. Your time and energy are extremely limited. If you spend it all on people who only take and never grow, you’ll miss the opportunity to invest in people who might mature, bear fruit, and actually become co-laborers in the ministry.

This isn’t about showing favoritism. It’s not about propping up people who flatter your ego or give the most money. It’s about investing in faithful men and women who can teach others also (2 Tim. 2:2). It’s about seeing the people who might not have the most dramatic needs, but who will become strong, steady, and capable of helping you shoulder the work.

Choose Fruitfulness Over Frustration

A pastor’s instinct is often to move toward the person with the loudest or most pressing need. That’s understandable. We are shepherds. But in some cases, the most pastoral thing you can do is nothing, at least, for now.

Sometimes the most strategic, fruitful act of ministry is to walk past someone who’s crying out for attention, because you’re headed to disciple someone who will one day help carry those burdens with you.

Let me give you an example.

Years ago, a man in our church got upset with me, claiming I was “dropping all these balls.” I asked him, “Which balls?” He listed several.

So I asked, “Who told you to pick them up?”

He said, “Well, someone had to!”

And I said, “I don’t disagree. But who told you it had to be you?”

He looked confused. I said, “That was your mistake, not mine. I saw those problems—and I chose to ignore them. I didn’t have the capacity to deal with them without burning out or becoming bitter. And I can’t afford that—not for myself, and not for the church.”

Ironically, by picking up those tasks, he was both burning himself out and blocking someone else from stepping into a need God may have been calling them to fill.

In any church, there will always be more needs than you can handle. The solution is not to try harder, it’s to stay focused. Know your assignment. Stick to the mission. Don’t get baited into being anxious about every neglected corner. Some of those “dropped balls” need to stay on the floor for a while. Someone will see them. Someone will pick them up. If you’re constantly responding to the tyranny of the urgent, you’ll never lead with vision.

Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing

I’ve become unapologetic about this. There are problems in our church I’m well aware of, and I’m not doing a thing about them right now. Not because they don’t matter. But because they don’t matter most.

This kind of strategic patience drives anxious people crazy. But we cannot let people with no emotional self-control dictate the rhythm of our ministry. Their internal chaos is not your emergency.

Pastor, your calling is not to be available to everyone all the time. Your calling is to lead, feed, and protect the flock. That includes protecting your time, your health, your mind, and your ability to see what really matters.

So yes, sometimes, the most faithful thing you can do is ignore someone. At least for now.